This is what has happened to me, for the most part. I used to know exactly what I wanted, I would want a huge list of specific games, I would despise getting clothes, and Id wonder the night before what Id get. As a teen, I half-joked about asking for a girlfriend every year. Nowadays, I mostly just dont bother, since I get mostly nothing anyway, so nobody loses (if you *expect* nothing, then *getting* nothing doesnt suck horribly), and I actually NEED some new clothes, so Ive started becoming *pleased* seeing new shirts, pants, and underwear. The only child-part of me that still actually exists in this regard is the part of me that appreciates getting money for Christmas. Christmas 2014? I guess now that Ive mostly given up on getting a girlfriend and have Steam, maybe games on my wish list? The one I still have maybe 6 games total on right now? Id love my data back, if Dave Puzzo can manage to pull that data off my old laptops hard drive in time for Christmas, thatd maybe give me back my career as a stepartist. I guess I could use a new external cam for my laptop, since the one I currently have has become very cord-fickle; its the only piece of laptop-related equipment I actually still need to do something about. (I still cannot possibly thank my father or grandmother enough, by the way, for helping me out when my old laptop died by making sure I got a new one I could actually do what I needed with. I am very serious in saying that you guys rock for that, and that I have no words to aptly describe my level of appreciation. Unless you were to watch how I do every day, with things like managing my websites and forum, and what sorts of games Im now capable of playing, you would truly have no idea just how deep my appreciation is.) The one big thing Id want though would be quality internet at home, so I dont have to piggyback on the neighbors internet, for one, but also so I can start streaming properly the way I want to do. I cant stream on 3/5 bars, and there are those out there who would watch me; itd give me something to do with my time and my game library, so its my biggest aspiration right now. Catching up on our internet bill, however, is not something we are capable of at the moment, and would be probably the most expensive gift I could possibly ask for right now of all the stuff I feel that I want or need, so Im simply not going to ask. What I know I will get is time with my family, which is important for this time of year, even though I know my sister cant stand me anymore and would love to be rid of me. A lot of my family may still yet not understand how my brain functions, but I still appreciate being around those who are blood-related to me during the most important time of year; perhaps in time, especially when I start streaming semi-regularly, they will come to understand that much better not only who I am, but who Im currently aspiring to become in the future, when most of my family thinks that I just dont consider my future whatsoever. I will also have another year with my Moriya Shrine denizens, who I know love me very much, and talk to me often - more than I can say for most of my Facebook friend list. (And people wonder why I spend all my time on Skype and not here.) Perhaps, given all I have seen and heard this past year, the one thing I could really use the most would be for people to take a few extra moments just to consider me and try a little harder to understand me, to grasp who I am, why I am the way I am, how my brain works, and the ways I can be entertaining as a result - when I start streaming in the future, all of those things are going to be coming into play a lot more. The reason being, despite the fact that I have a mental disorder, I am still a person who has feelings; there are things that make me happy, make me laugh, make me glad I got up today, things that make me sad, frustrate me, and make me think getting out of bed was the worst decision Id made today. Right now, only my Skypies have the best idea of those aspects of me, since they spend the most time with me; I obviously cannot say that about nearly anyone I actually see in reality, since I currently dont get to *spend* much time around other people. Being able to say I have people I know in person in real life who are actually starting to understand those sorts of things about me would be something I could honestly cherish for the rest of my life.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 08:32:24 +0000
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