This just in from Austin... AUSTIN GUNMAN HAD ACCOMPLICE FROM CHINA. Roberto Gonzalez Alcaños, now known as El Gunsulado, had an accomplice named Shae Spirito, believed to be a programmed Chinese Red Army manchurian candidate, and a member of the infamous motorcycle gang Los Flaming Futtbuckers... Mr. Shae Spirito was also shot by APD Mounted Policeman Adam Wayne Eastman, with a one-handed shot. In a shocking video found by Investigators on his Facebook page, we can take a peek inside Shae Spiritos deranged mind... He is performing a kata at the Shao Poo Lyn Temple, with a pair of Sai and Gung Fu swords. As you can clearly tell, his technique is all wrong, he takes his eyes off his opponent, and he just plain sucks. He seems to suffer from what psychologists call dickhead syndrome. Senior FBI Investigator Johnny Cockring said that Shae Spirito wore a gay ass ear-ring and kept a string of pearls in his bathroom. Before his rampage, Shae Spirito posted a video of himself wearing nothing but a purple jacket, and dancing to the song Goodbye Horses from the band Q Lazzarus. Also, he posted a video of Jethro Tull playing Nothing is Easy live in the Isle of Wight, and a photo of Ricky Martin singing backup vocals for some nondescript Mexican artist in her underpants. APD Chief Art Acevedo received praise from The American Council for Cool-Ass Fancy Words for his eloquent use of the word fusilade in a sentence during the press conference, though most people thought he said fuselage. Still no word on why Chief Acevedo is not participating in the APDs mustache growing contest for charity event.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 09:57:46 +0000
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