This might look long. But please read and you might help a friend who is in depression. Steps to dealing with disappointment which may lead to depression. 1. Let your feelings out; its natural that you feel upset or even inconsolable. Some doctors say that dealing with the fact that a major life goal is suddenly closed to you is not different from dealing with grief, so you may really feel that you are in mourning, even if its over the fact that your book deal didnt work out, or that your boyfriend broke up with you instead of proposing. Its perfectly natural to feel incredibly upset and pained, so acknowledge and accept your pain in the beginning. • Dont be ashamed to cry or otherwise express your feelings. This doesnt necessarily mean do so in public. But letting out your emotions are healthier than suppressing them. • However, avoid lashing out at others. For instance, if you did not get the promotion, writing a bitter e-mail to your supervisor will not only not help the situation, you might get fired. 2 Put your problems in perspective. In the immediate aftermath of a disappointment, its often really difficult to see the aftermath as anything but an unmitigated disaster. • Ask yourself, Will this matter one year from now? A week? One month? A lot of times, asking this question will bring you back to reality. Its terrible that you dented your car, but will it be fixed in a week? You failed a quiz, but will that matter when the semester ends with a passing grade? You have an injury, and cannot finish out your spring sport, which is unfortunate, but you can play next year. • Talk to a rational, calm, sympathetic friend or relative about your situation -- preferably someone older who has had plenty of setbacks and can offer some more insight. • Writing your feelings and thoughts down can help express frustration, anger, fear, and other negative feelings, too. This can be helpful if you cant immediately talk to a sympathetic ear. While youre at it writing your grief list , the mere fact of your writing it, kindly takes the focus out your deep-felt present disappointment what with your resilience and your up-bringing start suggesting alternatives that somehow, in a very delicate and sensible way, will let you see some light and hopes. • Identify a real disaster versus something less dire. Real disasters do happen to people: losing a home to a fire, getting a diagnosis of leukemia, your town is overrun by an invading army....those are disasters. Failing an exam is not on this scale. Its easy to fall into the trap of nothing this bad has ever happened to me! without realizing that people deal with problems far, far worse than what you are dealing with. • Be careful writing about your disappointment on social media. It can be helpful to hear feedback and support from friends in times of disappointment. But be careful of the particular situation. For instance: your employer could find out you are grousing about work, or your angry comments about your ex-girlfriend could cause her friends to become angry at you. 3 Be grateful. You may be thinking, Grateful??? How can I be grateful at a time like this? -- which is precisely why you should stop moping about whatever it is that went wrong and start thinking about all of the things that are going right in your life. Chances are you have a lot to be thankful for: a nice home, a great support network, a promising career, your health, or even your favorite pet. You might be focused on the things you dont have that you havent had a moment to step back and feel blessed for the things that you do have. • Count your blessings. Make a list of all of the things you have to be thankful for. Youll see that there is a lot more good in your life than bad. And, typically, what you have is more important to you than whatever disappointment you are facing. • Be grateful for your problems. Turn your frustration inside-out. Sure, its disappointing that you did not get into your first-choice college...but you have the opportunity to go to college and not everyone has that. Maybe you didnt get that job you interviewed for...but that opens the door to apply to other jobs that you may have overlooked. Finding out you have diabetes is unfortunate...but you have the opportunity to live a healthy life thanks to modern medicine, something a person 100 years ago did not have. 4 Take some time to heal. Its great to let your feelings out and to acknowledge that youre feeling sad and disappointed. However, wallowing in self-pity cannot be a long-term plan. There is no particular guideline on how long this should take; but the sooner you start thinking positively, the sooner youll be able to make a plan for success. • Take some time to care for yourself physically. You may feel a lot better after taking a long walk and getting some sun. • You may need some time to yourself to lick your wounds; that is natural. But dont isolate yourself for very long, as prolonged moping will not do you any good, either. • Listen to music. Music can help work through feelings, depending on your needs. One person may find comfort in angst-filled heavy metal, another in gospel music, another in Tibetan folk music...whatever works for you. • Express yourself artistically. Artists throughout history have drawn inspiration from disappointment. So compose a song, draw anime, paint a self-portrait...you may feel better and create something beautiful as well. 5 Take some time to reflect on what you can learn from your situation. Disappointment is an emotion occurring when what you want to have happen, doesnt happen. Sometimes its simply bad luck, but more often than not our plans or expectations need adjustment. • Was your expectation unrealistic? For instance, your 15-year old girlfriend was probably not going to be the person you were going spend the rest of your life with...teenage relationships typically do not last that long. It still hurts to have a break-up, but realizing you werent married and that you will date many, many people in your life may help soften the blow. • What can I do better next time? You did awful on your SAT. Fortunately, there are many programs, books, and other resources available to do better next time. Plus, you have the experience to know what to expect next time. Finally, you typically have many chances to shine. • Avoid dwelling on blame. Okay, so maybe you messed up - or maybe life is just unfair. Even if you did have something to do with it, give up the regret and move forward. And if you dont have anything to do with it -- youre working your butt off and your boss still wont give you a raise -- then take a step back and see that its the world that is a little unfair right now, but that youve done everything in your power to move ahead. 6 Adjust your expectations. Plenty of would-be actors flood Hollywood hoping for stardom, and rarely do they achieve success without a lot of disappointment. That is, if they find work at all. Actors who make it typically work relentlessly to find roles, get told no over and over again, get very minor roles at best, and yet remain optimistic. A person who thinks getting a leading movie role will be easy, gets frustrated every time they dont get picked for a call-back, and is not willing to keep trying will likely never make it in Tinsel-town. • Ask yourself, am I impatient? Becoming good at something generally takes an extremely long time, and this is something generally not depicted well on television or movies, for instance: a 5 minute training montage compresses a characters efforts that would have actually taken weeks or years. 7 Strain to see the silver lining. You may think that theres absolutely nothing positive in the situation, but that is rarely the case. So you broke up with the person who you thought was the love of your life. Were you really so perfect for each other? So you lost your job. Was it really the best fit for you anyway? One door may have closed, but maybe a window will open, and the whole experience can lead to something even better for you. • Trying to find the good in the situation will help you think positively. And if you want to move forward from your disappointment, then thats a must.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 03:53:52 +0000
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