This morning just before the sun came up I woke up holding my tummy and with belly pain, much the same way I was awakened 22 years ago. I was confused for a few seconds but then I just laid awake holding my tummy and thinking about how happy I was 22 years ago waiting to finally meet you, to see the little peanut who had been kicking and squirming, rolling and hiccupping inside me; I loved you because we grew together bonding with every second of that pregnancy. I couldnt wait to see you. Some will say I will see you again. Sometimes I feel as if I might even believe that, want to believe that, get excited to see you again; just like I was excited to see you that very first time 22 years ago. But I live in the present, for just each moment, and this is what I know in this moment; That I do see you again, each and every day, pieces of you anyway; When a Goldfinch flies past me I see your favourite colour yellow, When I look at my niece Kylies nose and her long fingers I see you, when Andrew answers the phone I hear your voice, When your friend James picks at his eyebrows I see your habits, when Andrew shows his compassion for others before himself I see your soul, when Dave cries I feel your love for your dad, when Nicholas cuddles up beside grandma and his love for is so evident I am reminded of your gentle ways of giving others your love without the need for words, when our family picks on grandpa I am reminded of your deep respect for this man who meant so much to you, when Auntie Lynsay brings me mochas in the morning I am reminded of your excitement over her simple presence, when I ride the waves at the bow of your boat and the wind hits my face and the sun makes the water sparkle all around me, I feel our souls together, and for seconds at a time I forget that I am me and instead I feel as if I am you; I cant explain that feeling away; So will I see you again? I have no idea of the unknown; I only know what I know, and I know that everyday I do see you again, feel you again, and have been blessed with the love you filled me with more than 22 years ago. Happy Birthday my Peanut
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 17:26:35 +0000
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