This morning ranks in the top three of my most fearful days. Having been told at the hospital Tuesday night that what was present in my CT scan could possibly be pancreatic cancer, I was a nervous wreck. I tossed and turned all night last night fearing my appointment today. I have battled Crohns disease since diagnosed in 2006. For the last 13 months it has been an up and down constant problem. Last April, I went through a very tough time with it and went through a lot of tests trying to determine if it was more than the Crohns. One of those tests was a Pancreas Ultrasound as well as some tests of my gall bladder. I left there with a since of security, but some doubts of the thoroughness of my tests. When I was told Tuesday night that my pancreas showed significant atrophy and fatty replacement all of my fears for the last year were coming true. Having recently lost one of my closest friends of pancreatic cancer just over a year ago, I am all too familiar with the mortality rate of this particular kind of cancer. Early this morning, not able to sleep, I got up and got on my knees to pray. I prayed from the deepest part of my soul that GOD would lift this dreaded fate from me if it was there. As I prayed I thought about Jesus, and how he must have felt the hours before he was to be crucified. The thought went through my head, what right do I have to ask GOD to lift anything from me when he gave the ultimate sacrifice for me already. I was ashamed of my prayer yet I still asked. Still uncertain of how my day would end and finding it hard to get any peace in my mind, I got out my bible and read a few passages which seemed to help for a few minutes. From 5AM until appointment time 2:10 PM this afternoon was probably one of the longest 9 hours I have ever experienced. I cried, I prayed, I read, I prayed and I read some more, all the time knowing that GOD has carried me through all my battles previously without a hitch. Why was this time so hard? Was I afraid of death? No, it was the undone things that kept playing though my mind. Well at appointment time the nurse called me in right on cue. We gave her the CT scan CD for the doctor to view. He viewed it and walked in the room in just a few minutes. He looked at me and asked how I was doing, I said scared to death. He looked at me puzzled and said Why? Your pancreas looks fine, other than you being a little overweight has caused some atrophy and fatty replacement. He said I have done 7 pancreatic cancer surgeries this week, this is my job, I KNOW pancreatic cancer when I see it, yours is fine Those words were so great to hear. GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS. Thank you ALL for remembering me in your prayers. I love you all so very much!! GOD BLESS!!
Posted on: Fri, 06 Jun 2014 02:56:08 +0000
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