This morning rather than some random quotes or anything about last night (not that I did anything) I thought I would write out some of my random thoughts just upon waking up. I know it looks like a little much, but please just read it and commit to the end if you have started. ;) I hate how Ive been out of the dating game for so many years that I feel broken when it comes to talking to people. I have no idea what to say or what to talk about and then when I do have something to say or talk about the other person/people just have a one word or short para-sentence before letting it die off for the rest of the evening. Im not all that sure if I even relate to very many people these days and it seems just easier and easier as time goes by to say Im just antisocial. Rather than go through the trouble of letting anyone know just how lonely and damaged I really feel. Then I thought about fast food and how much I love it, but at the same time I really need to cut WAAAAY back. Most often now I will have a grilled chicken with extra mustard, lettuce, and tomato a la carte. Though Im really pissed at the fast food industry, I mean I know its fast food, but come on. Why does it have to most often look like the preparer took the container for your food selection put it on the floor and shit out the ingredients, then wrap it up and serve it out? Have some kind of pride in making food, it may all look that way inside after consumption, but I dont want to look at my digestion process on the table. Then I thought about double dutch and that is what it feels like sometimes that I dont quite remember the rhymes or pace and the new versions are so edgy for me and unknown that I sit out more often than try to join in with people. I force myself to and I have been lately, but I still feel at times like Im missing quite a few major steps and Im throwing everyone off. Then I thought about dating in the workplace and how it may be convenient, but you will mostly have nothing to talk about after the end of the day because the same stuff happened. Also you have to think about what happens when people find out especially upper management. As one of you may have to transfer departments which might be good or one of you may have to be fired, which is good and bad. Then I thought about how when I am in a situation where I know both parties are interested, myself and whom ever, it appears to be much like a broken racist game of chess. Everyone has come under the belief that white has to go and make the first move, rather than flipping a coin or just saying that the other person can go. I mean I dont even know if right now anyone is interested in me, though if they are, here is your opportunity to make a move. I AM WHITE, BUT I dont need to always be the one to go first, in fact Im tired of going first because as far as I can remember most first moves were made by me. SO, Im breaking up this racist broken game and we can sit/stand here all you want because Im not moving till you show me that you want something to do with me. YOUR MOVE, whom ever is playing black. Then I thought holy crap its 1140 and I havent even showered and then what the crazy its 1230 and Im not even dressed because Im writing this. LOL Thanks for reading, I know it was a lot, but imagine how my brain feels because all this washed over it just upon waking. -- Chris ~The Wandering Siren~ Feeling Insightful
Posted on: Thu, 21 Nov 2013 20:38:28 +0000
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