This morning the Cates family stood before a District of Columbia Superior Court judge who officially granted me the legal right to parent a child who is my own flesh and blood and to whom I have been “mama” or “little mama” his whole life. My anger at a system that has denied me the right to claim this legally for the past three years is fodder for another post. Today what interests me is the sort of mental vows I had written in expectation of questions the judge would ask before granting the adoption. She actually did not ask us a single question aside from our names and then it was done. Had she asked, I would have told her that I was prepared and equipped to love my son. To give him what he needs to develop kindness and empathy. To listen to him when he is scared and to answer his questions honestly, no matter what his age. To always treat him like a human who is just small and not like a “baby” who is unable or not smart enough or not *anything* enough to be right there with me. To buy him ice cream and to sing the same song over and over at his request. To make up and perform the voices of different characters in countless books and made-up stories. To wash him and clothe him and make sure he has a bed and a dog. To tell him stupid jokes and to laugh at his jokes. To nap with him and to watch mind-numbingly insipid episodes of Jake & the Neverland Pirates when he is sick. To understand in every ounce of my being that he is and will be one of the best, most important things I have ever done or will ever do. To know and treat him like he is light, beauty, innocence and limitless potential and that my every action and word matters more than I will ever know and to never knowingly leave him in the care of a person who is unwilling to at least try to do these things. I am prepared and equipped to be just meddlesome enough that he doesn’t lose his way, but to also stay out of the way enough to simply let the perfection with which he arrived on this earth grow and shine and change the world in ways big and small. Now, where do I sign?
Posted on: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 03:33:42 +0000
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