This one has been weighing on me but its time for movement forward and peace in the heart. Acknowledge the love youve been given this beautiful Night, and accept all love as good. Accepting another persons love, even when it doesnt meet our expectations is healing. Ill share an excerpt from a letter my mom shared with me a few days ago. To my son: I knew from the first time I held you in my arms you were a miracle beyond my perception. Looking back on my life Im saddened that I didnt get to witness your first steps, to watch you throw your first pitch, to share your first report card, to help you through your first lost love, and to dream with you about conquering the future. Im saddened that my selfishness didnt allow me to be the father you turned to in troubled times, the father you laughed with times of joy, and the father you were so proud of when we were out together. I hear from your mom that you are tall, charismatic, stubborn as a mule, and an intelligent young man. She tells me you are an emotional one who likes to protect and wear your emotions on your sleeve. I have so much remorse in my heart for the sadness, loneliness, and shame my not being a part of your life has cause you. My time is very short right now and I want you to understand as best you can that while I fell woefully short, I loved you so much. I thought about you often and my weakness in this life prevented me from reaching out. I will be watching you from heaven. I love you son. Miles. I received this earlier this week. It was written by my Dad who passed away Many of you know my father left our family when I was 3 months old. I never really met or knew my dad. In the early years of my life I told classmates and friends my dad had died in a car accident. It was easier to deal the the hurt and unreturned love that way. As the years passed I have often minimized love I had experienced from lovers, family or friends because again I felt shame over love that wasnt returned as I would have wished. This day I love my father, at very least, his memory. I realize today he loved me the best he could, even if it was woefully short of my expectations. Tonight, if time allows, think about that baggage that we carry from years past. The hurt from past lovers, family members, and friends. Find peace and closure knowing that we are all lovable and that while they may have let us down, they loved us to the best of their capabilities. Embrace the fact we were loved by these individuals and be strong enough not to hide from it. The fact we have all been loved is the most beautiful blessing of all. Acknowledge and rejoice in the love that has touched your hearts tonight. Im reaching out via FB to my family members on my dads side this week. Wish me luck : )Lovem all.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 21:52:00 +0000
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