This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me! This past Tuesday was eight months, & I kept reliving the last time I talked to him, and the morning of his death. My Annie ( my Stephen minister) has been more than a counselor to me, she has been my confidant, my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, etc! She now has become a very close friend , and someone I can not imagine, not being in my life! She agreed to help me start cleaning out Davids office. She started making multiple trips back & forth, to my recycling bin outside getting rid of old magazines, Readers Digests, papers, etc. I started going through boxes. The first box was photos he had that had been hanging on the walls in his apartment in New York. So far, so good. The next box threw me for a loop! He had photos he had carried around with him. I found the photo of our Senior Prom first. When I looked at that photo, I was right there, all over again. The feelings were there, as strong as they were then! Next, I found a photo of me, him, and our Amy, the night before he left for Air Force Basic Training. She was 6 months old. You could see how proud we both were of her, our accomplishment! I found numerous cards from the grand kids telling him how much they missed him, and asking him to come home. They broke my heart! But, when I came across a Valentines Day card from me to him, the dam truly broke! It was a card where I had recorded my voice. It was at a time when he wanted to come home, and couldnt. In the card I said to him remember, no matter how far we are apart, I am always in your heart, and then I said I love you David. I remember going to his apartment the first time after I had sent him the card. I said oh, theres the card I sent you. He said I listen to that card every night, so I can hear your voice, before I go to bed. I remember hugging him so closely, knowing how very much he loved me! Again, I was back in his little apartment, and I felt like my heart was going to burst! As I am trying to pull myself together, I get a call from my brother, telling me that Davids monument, and foot marker had arrived, and were in place. I was greatly pleased it had arrived earlier than expected, but wondered how much more emotional upheaval, my heart could take in such a short span of time! So, Annie and I decided to call it a day! Yesterday, C.A., Amy, myself, Chaz & Chandler all went over to the cemetery together. Even though it was emotional, it was so great to see everything in place. I just kept saying, It looks so good. When I saw his foot marker, I told Amy He would be so proud of it. There is still so much that has to be done! So much to sort through! Over forty-one years of memories! It still doesnt seem real! One night I dreamt that I heard a knock at the door. I looked through the glass, and there he stood, with his shoulders shrugged, and a look on his face like ta-da, surprise! When I started to awaken from the dream, I tried not to! I knew that when I did, I would be back to reality, and he would still be gone! I am looking forward to Mothers Day, and spending time with my children and grandchildren! I want to just be with them, here where they used to live, where their Daddy used to live, and just enjoy each other. They are my heart! They are keeping me sane! I am very pleased with the way our monument turned out. I especially love the double wedding rings in the center with our wedding date. I hope it doesnt offend anyone, but I wanted to post a picture. Thank you all for your continued prayers, well wishes, etc. My family still has a long way to go, but with each other, and our God...we are getting there.
Posted on: Mon, 05 May 2014 03:17:19 +0000
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