This past week has been very intense, especially for Jack. They say things come in 3s, Jack has had 3 code blues, 3 met calls & weve survived on about 3hrs sleep! The reason for all this turmoil: Jack has a chest infection and suffered a collapsed lung causing multiple de-sats, his chest wracked with inflammation, his body weary from constant intervention and lack of quality rest. Thankfully he is on the mend. Needless to say its been a very eventful start to our year. Were adapting to co-exist between two worlds; the hospital, where Jack is receiving much needed intervention and support and; in contrast, home, a place where our hearts and souls thrive, a warm, comfortable and familiar place we miss dearly. In between the ordered chaos I catch a glimpse of people from all walks of life. There is no way to know what personal challenges people are dealing with, my guess is that many struggle and worry because we are human. Many seem anxious and are focused on moving on with their life, others busy themselves scrambling to access their iPhones/iPads/smartphones etc. others keep busy tackling their seemingly endless to do list. They are not alone. For us, time stands still as the gravity of everyday life looms heavy and we are learning to find a new normal. The mad dash for wealth, material things and the endless distractions that turns life into a numbing dream...all of it rings hollow when someone you love deeply is struggling to breathe and live under the crushing weight of secretions. When faced with life and death situations each day, everyday, the meaning of life is monumental. Despite all this Jack continues to do his best and soldier on; he is brave and courageous, his fighting spirit is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Jack and I have had some inspiring conversations of late where he tells me what he is feeling, how he is feeling and what he wants. I am in awe that he can find the energy to do this with everything else he has to contend with right now. For someone who cannot use their voice to speak, Jack does incredibly well using his PODD communication book to express his fears, concerns and thoughts so inturn we can acknowledge and convey those thoughts to those we entrust to help him. Its not possible for children to understand how much they are loved; one has to become a parent to truly understand the depth of that kind of love. I cant help but be grateful to Jack. He is my teacher. I have learnt so much from him during this intense experience and I continue to learn about myself each time I step out of my comfort zone with him by my side. Each day I head to our local river to gather my thoughts and take a break. Its the simple pleasures like feeling the shifting sand between your toes, watching our beloved dog Foxie sprint through the water, its a chance to drink in all nature has to offer, take a deep breath and exhale. I watch the current and observe the swift, smooth flow of water in all its natural wonder. Throughout this journey I have had to make wise choices and navigate rapids, undertows and hazards of all kinds...drowning is never an option. So rather than swim against the current or pretend currents dont exist, I am thankful for the currents of life that have guided me along my own path. I am grateful for the people I have met along the way whose currents have blended with mine, even if only for a season. My life is better for it. Over the years, I have learnt to trust the currents as the three of us navigate unchartered waters (for much of the time). We have so little control over what unfolds, so I have learned to trust in my heart as much as my head for it never lies. Today and forevermore, I hope to live a little better than the day before. Each day a little wiser that I live what I value and be glad I have done my best to help my precious son experience the light of another new day.
Posted on: Wed, 07 Jan 2015 06:28:39 +0000