This past week in a half has been epecially hard on me. I am - TopicsExpress



          

This past week in a half has been epecially hard on me. I am really realizing how fragile my heart is. First, loosing another family member before we could meet, reminds me just how hurt I feel that I was cheated out of being part of both sides of my family by adoption. Then my ex fails to warn me he is introducing our son to his new girlfriend, which brakes my heart more than I ever imagined it could. Its one thing to be separated, its another to have to get used to the fact another woman is influencing your child, making memories that were never supposed to happen. Which brings up feelings of remorse. I am such a FIXER, I have wasted so much of my life with two men who I always tried to see the good in, I wore permentent blinders each relationship, believing if I just held out longer that they would change or grow up; giving in again and again. People dont change :-( no matter how much I want to believe that. No wonder I cant seem to trust myself to do it again with anyone else. On top of it, what I thought was one of my best friends completely backstabbed me. I should have seen it coming because I always saw that part of her character, BUT again I want to believe people are better than that. I find myself constantly helping, listening, comforting, and caring. Just to be hurt, lied to, and used. I fall in love to quickly with everyone! I love passionately; my kids, my family, my friends, and yes even my ex. I have never done anything to hurt anyone out of revenge, EVER. I set aside my feelings so I can make things easy for someone else. Well, im tired of being a doormat, and I feel as if most people dont deserve a love (friendship) like mine. I want to box my heart up and hide from humanity. I cant shed enough tears to wash this weight off my chest. I feel like such an idiot. So there. All my emotions in a nutshell. See Im not perfect, Im not PolyAnna, and I get hurt as well. I just usually try to hide it, who wants to be seen as weak? Although right now Im bursting at the seams and I just cant take anything else in.
Posted on: Tue, 14 Oct 2014 04:48:47 +0000

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