This picture says a thousand words. On this day, one year ago, I remember standing on a crime scene begging police officers to go see about you inside of that house. I was ignored of course, however I went sit on the back of my bnl truck by myself and said a prayer. I told God to cover you with his blood, and take whatever pain you may have been experiencing away from you. I literally begged him to keep you alive bc I knew Id be lost without you. But I also told him that if you didnt make it, for Jesus to hold you close to him and let you know that I loved you from the beginning and I would love you till the end. Having to walk from around that truck to read the detectives lips as he told Tan and daddy Im sorry for your lost bc we found him unresponsive took every bit of air,strength, and feeling from my body. I remember falling to the ground and passing out to opening up my eyes later to Yella Baw carrying me to the ambulance bc I had lost myself. Throwing up pretty much nothing bc I was so disgusted and hurting. Wanting to go meet you and just hold you till they would take you away but couldnt. Laying on a stretcher tryna maintain myself breathing through a bag. I literally thought my life was and at that point needed to end too. For the first time ever, I was mad with God, and with everyone. It was all too painful. But as I rode away to the coroners office, the last few months that we spent living together flashed before my eyes. You had been hurt in no way like ever before, you were tired. Jesus couldve kept you here but he saw how tired and hurt you were, and he picked you up and carried you to his Father in Heaven, where he knew youd be happy amd safe. No matter what anyone says, I knew what was going on in your life and I understood. I wont believe no word of what went on those 3days, because only God knows the truth and youre no longer here to speak, my brother, so with that being said, its all in Gods hands. Feels like only yesterday that we laid you to rest but a year has passed already. I dont think of you as dead, but resting peacefully somewhere you cant be bothered. Its hard and I cry all of the time still. Not a day goes by that you dont cross my mind and will forever be in my heart. -Tramika /Lil Sis, as he called me, even tho Im older :)
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 16:53:15 +0000