This sounds exactly like the situation I just moved out of. Its ok, this once described me, too. But I grew up, realized I had hurt people who were simply irreplaceable in my life (namely my family members) and have spent every day since proving to them by showing them that that isnt me anymore. The words, im sorry or let me explain my side of it means nothing. Not to people who matter. Someone recently text my family asking again, to have their side of a story heard; with the intent of selling someone else down the river, someone that (just like us) has no agenda against anyone, and has no desire to propel gossip or drama. Allow me to address her... That revelation for you about who else cannot stand the person youve become is essentially irrelevant. Its just one from the list of people who loved you who have had to walk away. The fact of the matter is, anyone who has spent any length of time with you (read: your partner) is just simply done (other than the one family member you have left who still has faith that youll finally think enough of yourself to demand better for yourself and finally leave your partner....and btw, someone cannot be an equal partner if all they think about is themselves. Im sure her hanging a bi flag when shes supposed to be committed to a lesbian for the rest of her life stings a bit..could she make it any clearer?) and its because no one that does still care about you can simply stand around and watch you change for the worse every day, watch your partner walk all over you and break you down, or allow you or her to treat them with ever increasing disrespect. I have the feeling that youve severed the ties to us very nearly and neither of see how it will ever be repaired. The only way that could possibly happen is this... You must first recognize that you were wrong. Whole heartedly wrong; if for nothing else, then for not stepping in at any point and putting a stop to any of it. You are currently convinced that you couldnt have been any more hospitable had you spit-shined the floor. Sure. You say you love my family member. Well, that cant be, because if you did, you wouldnt have said the horrible things you said to the people he loves the most in this world, nor stood by while horrible things were being said to and about said people, including his daughter. Thats not love. Thats control by your partner. I know you would never have tolerated that 8 years ago. Much to your dismay, Im sure, I never changed. I was always true to myself when we lived there, I was still the same chick you were just so thrilled to have as an addition to your family. And just as she has done with every other family member of yours (including the one hanging around waiting for you to wake up) she picked a stupid fight over nothing (well, ok, a sandwich, ya got me) and pitted you against your own flesh and blood. Whether it be for controlling purposes or simply feral jealousy of your sole attention, doesnt matter. We all believe that if you were in your right mind, that wouldnt have happened. But it did. We forgive you. Weve been there...in that place where you think youre doing right by honoring your commitment to your partner, to the children involved...my family member and I have both been there. The defining moment is when your partner is the source of your pain one too many times, and you look for an ear or a shoulder........and there is none. Not a friends, not a family members. Because they are all gone. And they are gone because they can no longer watch this go on. Cant watch you be controlled and manipulated and coerced into making child-like decisions financially, socially and emotionally. Its too exhausting. I know. He knows. Like I said, weve been there. But that day came for us both finally...when we realized we were worth so much more, and that we could have that happy, comfortable, clean, respectful and respectable family we always wanted. That life does exist somewhere for you...where no one screams and curses at each other, where the house is cleaned daily because you deserve a clean house to walk into after working all day, where dinner is made out of appreciation for you, where your lunch is ready the next day, where you find your clean clothes folded in the dresser, where the kids are fed and homework done without insanity, where theres no drama, just love (if you need visual confirmation that this does exist, Ill send you pics of my family. Its out there waiting for you, too). The hardest part is standing up and declaring that youre ready for it. You deserve it. So, to sum up, you need not worry anymore about who said what. Theres only one person you need to worry about and thats yourself. You need to take some time to yourself and consider the root of these issues. Not what, but WHY. I have no ties to you that I am worried about you fraying, say if I worked with you or lived under the same roof, so I have no quams about telling you flat out (when no one else can) that its your partner that no one can stand. And rightfully so. Each person with a beef has a more shocking and terrible account of how they were treated by your partner (usually upon their first meeting, most embarrassingly...for you) than the next. And this list goes on and on. Its unfortunate because we all love you and want you to come through this on the other side and on top of your world. He lasted ten years in his domestic hell, I did 5. There was almost nothing left of us after these relationships, except a glimmer of hope of at least having peace with ourselves when it was finally over. Its never too late. But it must start with you opening your eyes, being truly honest about what drives your currently skewed perception of love, life and real family..after that, and only then, can healing conversation begin. Your realization that youve pushed everyone away for.....for what?......will be the catalyst for moving forward. Without that self-realization, its all just hot air. Same as its been. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. So when youre ready to exit the Crazy Ride (your friends and family want nothing more than to see the happy, loving girl you used to be, before your partners insensitive, heartless and foul words and actions became your words and your actions), give an actual call, have your bags packed, and your family will be there for you in spades. But not a moment before. Love, Your true friends and family
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:52:59 +0000