This was written by someone IDK who...but very serious this person was! I Definitely Have Felt This Way Since I Became Conscious...... Since I can remember I always felt as though I didnt belong. The world was fast paced and I always felt "in the way".... From the moment of birth my older sister antagonized me poking my eyes pulling my hair... As a baby.. As I got older she became more abusive to be sure I wouldnt rebel against her authority. My parents had their own problems so over time it just became swept under the rug and it was my life. She pulled knives on me. I didnt believe I would live through those days... I have always been very different from the normal person. I have a heightened self awareness that drives me crazy, I seem to be fixated on doing what is right at all times. While at the same time not denying my spiritual need for free flight. When I was a kid like 8 or something my parents got divorced everything traumatizing that a kid should talk about was swept under the rug, I was molested when I was 12, again swept under the rug. Technically I should be angry, the weird thing I am not angry. I always found a way to forgive the most ****** up things that happened to me. I always found a way to help those who hurt me in the past. I am proud of myself because I didnt allow these people to bring me down. Through my actions in their lives I have helped lift people up and make them better and somehow even though my life is nothing no matter how much more someone has than me there is this glow deep inside that makes me laugh when I only want to cry I definately feel different than anyone in this world, I always admired Jesus but I never believed in religion. Religion seems to be controled by man and I want no man to have a say where my wind blows. I cant help but smile when I think about what I have been through. It isnt really amazing like some people have been through much more than me, but I am proud either way. I would have never seen myself being this strong had I thought about it as a kid. I believe I would have expected failure in my situation. Growing up I thought of suicide a lot, mainly because I felt so alienated from everyone I knew, family and friends. Suicide was not something I threatoned anyone with, it wasnt something I tried for attention. It was my backup plan, if **** gets too hot here then I can always bail. It was quite a security blanket. I believe more people do it than admit. I dont know where I would be had I felt that there was no other alternative. Like some religious person who believes your gonna go to hell if you do something like that. I have nothing against the act, it is selfish to ask someone who is miserable emotionally to stay here just so you dont judge them. **** that, if I had nobody close enough that I couldnt even talk about how I felt I might just decide it is time. But I would probably let everyone know so that it was nt all surprising either. Anyways the only reason I bring up death is because I believe we are all one, a part of the universe a cosmic energy flows throughout the universe and through our bodies. This is who I believe we are, I believe we choose our own path before birth. I am not sure this is 100 percent right but I am 100 percent dedicated to find the truth, so if tomorrow someone prooves that what I believe is not possible. I will not dismiss the facts like so many man created religions do these days. Did you guys hear about that priest molesting the deaf boys? The vatican backed that bastard up..... What a joke people....... Find YOUR spirituality, no other can do it but you.
Posted on: Sun, 22 Sep 2013 05:39:40 +0000
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