This week ~ Do Three years ago one of my college friends stopped speaking to me. (I guess by now I would have set some record in losing friends :) - but no complains whatsoever for they all left me with some wonderful lessons !) Her reason was very simple – she called me more than I called her and she did not like that. Hence she decided to stop speaking to me altogether, refusing to even answer my calls / messages. I tried to reason it out to her that though we studied accountancy in school and college I find it very difficult to maintain balance sheets in real life. So many calls received, so many calls made, so many messages read, so many messages sent – I cannot do this. I call you when I feel like and not because you called me sometime back. This is how it should be, rather than being a formality being completed right? In reply to this she disconnected the line, never to pick it up again. I have come across many such people, who do things merely for the sake of reciprocating. The moment you stop doing something they stop reciprocating. And I fail to understand that. I have very simple logic to apply. Do you like / love someone because that person wants to be liked/loved? The answer is NO. We do it because we want to. Then why can’t we call / message / meet / hug / talk when we want to. Why do we reduce our relationships to mere books of accounts where every credit has to be met with a debit entry and vice versa? In trying to maintain this balance what remains is formality in the relationship devoid of any love, care or concern. When you bring in such calculations, you make a simple thing complex not only for yourself but for the other person too. As it is relationships are very fragile, more so when you burden them with such heavy things, they are bound to collapse under the weight of expectations. And when things are done as a part of formality the receiver can feel the coldness as there is not warmth involved. There is a possibility that many people might not agree with this thought as these days I scratch your back and you scratch mine has become very omnipresent. That is the T & C on which everything seems to work. But I feel otherwise. Having said all of the above - I still strongly stand by what I have always said - Love as an emotion demands reciprocation, otherwise it dies a slow death in the hands of time. I would not qualify calling /messaging / mailing as love for it is a gesture to express your love. Not love itself. It is this gesture which requires a push, and rest everything falls into place. When you call someone ,that person is happy and talks to you nicely - that is reciprocation of love. I agree you might not feel like doing something for a person who does not reciprocate your emotions. But losing someone with whom you share smiles and have some wonderful memories merely for a gesture is something not viable for me. We all love feeling loved and that is what this gesture ensures. It is just about who makes the first move as the feelings are already in place, waiting to drench us! There are many instances where we are forced to do things - project reports , work, meetings, call. write letters, meet etc. Have you noticed your output there? It is not even 10% of your real capacity. If you dont believe me check it out for yourself. It is scientifically proven that when we do things half-heartedly the output is less than half but when we put our heart into something with 100% efforts we can create wonders. That is how it works with relationships too. When we do it thinking of it to be a formality, that is what they become a formality. But when we do it from our heart, with genuine care and concern the relationships thrive on that basis. Lesson Learnt : Do things because you want and not because you have to! (C) Life - As I see it #lessonsoflife
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:47:17 +0000
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