This will be long but I feel I need to share what is going on with us. A few already know. This is why Ive asked for prayers lately. I will start 5 years ago. July 2009 we got a little 13 month old baby girl. Her 2 1/2 year old brother was in the hospital with 5 skull fractures. We got him a week later. We had them two years when I was diagnosed with cancer and had to have chemo. We also had another sibling set (3 and 5) at that time. Taking chemo with four toddlers was hard but I did it for a month. By July I was to weak and couldnt do four children anymore. I know some have asked why these two left when we had them longer. It was a very hard decision but the reason was, our baby was only three and she could not get in and out of the tub by herself and there was no one in my family that could do her hair. (I will always admire little black girls hair, knowing now the hard work that goes into it), it broke our heart but we had no other choice. My sister, Sharon,and my daughter, Lisa tried to help with it but thats another story. :) The other two children went back home in November of that year. It was also the month I had to stop chemo. In February 2012 we called DFCS and told them we were ready to get our two babies back. (They had said when I was able they would put them with us) well, when I called they said they were going back to their mama and didnt want to move them twice. Kenneth and I both understand that and we agreed it was the right thing to do. We didnt take any foster children for 18 months. We were called and asked numerous times. We needed that time to heal from the four we had so long. May 2013 was time for our home evaluation again and when the worker came she ask would we be willing to take a sibling set we had before. I was like,who? When she said our babies, I could not believe it. For a year and a half we had believed they were back with the birth mom!!! We said yes, but we were really afraid they would not remember us or be happy here. They were gone for a year and ten months. No need to worry, they were so happy to be back with us. This is our 14th month having them this time. Now the heartbreaking part. DFCS had ask us about adopting them several times the first time we had them. We were on a roller coaster ride with yes, they will be adoptable no they wont. This time I didnt even want to hear about it because they have now been in the system five years. (There is something wrong with that) we found out about three weeks ago, they REALLY will be up for adoption. We had planned on adopting them all this time. Yes, I have several health issues, but Kenneth helps me so much with them. I KNOW all about healing and that I need to trust God and everything else you can tell me. I TRUST God every day of my life, if I didnt I would not be here. Jesus is my very breath. Adopting two young children is not something you just say ok to and if it doesnt work out we will just give them back. We have prayed and had counseling and still are. Wisdom has spoken several times. I know that me and Kenneth both know the voice of God. Our hearts say one thing and our heads say another. We have battled back and forth with this. It was all a yes UNTIL Kenneth got sick. He is having major issues with his neck and back. He has degenerative disk disease but we already knew that. We didnt know about the neck and all tho. YES, WE BELIVE AND TRUST GOD, I PROMISE WE DO. But God also gives us wisdom too. In six years I will be 60 years old and have two six grader. I am just sooooo tired, mentally, emotionally, physically, and yes, spiritually. Kenneth being sick these last three weeks has really shown us both that we are getting old. Im not going to lie, it frights me that he is having these issues. The doctors told him about 10 years ago he could end up paralyzed but Kenneth is a very stubborn man. Its been heartbreaking seeing him like this, but its made us both realize we need to follow wisdom even tho it is heartbreaking to us. If crying would get this job done, it would be over I promise. We have cried and prayed and cried and prayed but we still come back to the same answer. I had said a few time, in a perfect world they would get adopted by a good Christian family and the new parents would let us be Nana and Papaw to them, then Id end it with, but we dont live in a perfect world!) I now realize I was worrying about Gods job. No, we dont live in a perfect world, but we do serve a perfect God! As heartbreaking as it is, Kenneth and I both know what is the best thing to do. Its the hardest thing Ive ever had to do and I promise Ive had a lot of hard things in my life! We have had some people tell us we NEED to just adopt them and trust God. Weve had others tell us we are to old and need to do what is best for the kids. Honestly, its hard to do either. When you have small children, you cant take a day off or say I just dont feel like taking care of them today. Its a daily 24 hour job, 365 days a year. Ive been mama for 36 years and I see the difference in my first three and these two. I think I have more patience now but I hurt daily so I dont do fun things with these two, like I did with Jason, Lisa, and Trina. I saw something on fb last week that really spoke to me. I said, Everyone can tell you what to do but they wont do it themselves. Im not trying to sound mean but Ive had people tell me what we needed to do, BUT they wouldnt do it. Please understand this is hard and it feels like it is killing me and Kenneth! We love these babies (6 and 8) and its going to hurt them too. I have to trust that God has a perfect plan. Our prayer is that they WILL be adopted by a great Christian couple and that we do get to be Nana and Papaw. PLEASE PRAY WITH US AND FOR US. This also affects more than just me, Kenneth and the two kids. We both have family who has invested in their lives and it is going to hurt for them as well. Our grandbabies will miss them so much too. There is so much more I could say, but it wont change anything. Just asking everyone who believes in prayer to please pray for all of us, especially our two babies.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 15:49:16 +0000