Thought for the night: How do you argue with your spouse? Are you convinced you are right; theres only one truth and you are out to prove your partner wrong? Most couples do just that! They do this because they feel that there is only ONE truth and their goal is to show how I am right and you are wrong! Im out to CONVINCE you !00% of the only ONE correct truth. A deeper, more respectful way, is to have this paradigm shift: Each of our different ways of thinking and feeling is valuable and there is not just one truth. Each of us has 50% worth of value to SHARE with each other and find out how together we can amalgamate and merge our differences into something more than what each of us are as separates. The best results (like in how to bring up our children) is a compromise that combines the values and opinions of BOTH parents. The only reason I am convinced that only MY truth is the correct one is because MY reality which is SUBJECTIVE leads me to feel that way. REALITY is perceived through a subjective lens. The lens through which I see and understand everything comes about through all the factors that make me who I am (who were my parents and siblings; where was I born; what type of education and upbringing and a million more factors) which is (totally) different from everyone else. Your partner can not possibly see things exactly as you do, because your realities are both different and subjective. Therefore there are TWO truths! TWO ways of apprehending the truth in a relationship and about 7 billion ways in the world at large! Dont think there is only one reality or one correct way of doing things. [This was the mistake of Rabbi Akivas students and why we are told they were severely punished by death because they mistakenly thought there was only one truth and only I have it. This is offensive to G-d!] We can only see reality through our own subjective lens. if I had my partners lens then I would see it his or her way. Stop trying to convince your partner of your opinion and instead just share it as 50% of the equation. Try to find areas where your partners different opinion will make sense and can combine successfully with yours etc. There are many ways of understanding things and we have different feelings about them that are not less nor more worthy than my partners. Validate each other and value each others differences and accept influence from your partner. Theres a reason you picked each other and there is so much more to be gained by listening to your differences and learning how to gain from them - and incorporate them both. The real G-dly TRUTH (is not the truth of how Im right and youre wrong, rather it) is the compromise that comes from truly paying attention to the value of the input both of you has to offer. To think there is only ONE truth and I need to CONVINCE you of it is what youve been doing till now. STOP! Just share your 50% with your partners 50% and come to the beauty of shared value that leads to real intimacy!
Posted on: Tue, 06 May 2014 04:56:03 +0000
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