Thought this was really appropriate. : D The Toddler Code of Conduct 1. You are the family alarm clock. It is your job to wake everyone at the crack of dawn every day. 2. Always poop AFTER leaving the house. Your best bet is to wait until you have left your street and then EXPLODE!! To achieve epic status, do this when your parent is in a huge hurry. 3. Do not be content doing anything for more than one minute. Never stop moving. 4. If you are not interested in being picked up, get as low to the ground as possible. Feel free to flail and cry for added difficulty. 5. If someone tries to take something from you, teach them a lesson by first biting them, then run away as fast as possible. If caught fall on the floor screaming. Cry extra loud if you are in a public place. 6. If you do not like the food that is served to you, throw it on the ground in disgust. For extra credit smash the remaining food into your hair and clothes. When you are given something to drink immediately dump it onto the table or into your lap. 7. Whenever possible terrorize the family pets so they know who is in charge. 8. NEVER EVER let your parent get the house clean. Once something is picked up off of the floor, put something in its place. A good rule of thumb is dumping out the cat/dog food daily. Feel free to snack on it as well. 9. You are in control of your sleep schedule. If you do not want to go to sleep, then don’t. If someone really wants you to go to sleep, then definitely do not do it. Do your best to get so tired that you become an evil, miserable, crying mess. That will show them!! 10. Always do your best to be in the way, including but not limited to: playing at your parents’ feet while they are cooking, cleaning, fixing something, talking on the phone, getting ready for work, or doing anything that looks remotely important. 11. Take ALL of your toys out of the toy box before playing with any of them. This goes for books too; take them all off the shelf before looking at one. Your job is to make a huge mess. Hint: To keep things interesting, never ever play with the same toy or book for more than one minute. 12. Under no circumstances will you make diaper changes or potty training an easy venture. 13. Every time you leave the park throw a fit big enough to make it look like you are being kidnapped. If you are in luck, this will buy you five more minutes on the slide. 14. The minute you learn to walk, refuse to be held. Insist on walking EVERYWHERE. 15. The minute you learn to talk, DO NOT STOP! Do not be discouraged if you are not understood…talk anyway. It is not your fault if people do not understand you. 16. EVERYTHING in this world belongs to you. Feel free to touch it, take it, hide it, throw it, smash it, break it, and completely ruin it. HINT: ALL of the telephones in the house belong to you…store them in the toilet. 17. Your mantra is “Catch me if you can!!” 18. “NO!! means Good job!! Keep doing that! 19. NEVER EVER do anything the first time you are asked. 20. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE…for every five minutes you spend terrorizing your parent(s) provide one minute of pure, sweet, love to ensure forgiveness. Be sure to gaze into their eyes and give them a little cuddle. This will keep them off their guard for your next assault.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 04:20:54 +0000
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