Three years into this new normal and things are in fact not the same and never will be I suppose. I still have issue with vision but its not so bothersome unless I am tired or stressed and its that way too with pain in my neck and shoulders. Probably the hardest thing to deal with everyday is the newness that comes with taking my first steps in the morning. I dont consciously think about it but its like I am not sure I know what I am doing at first. Balance is an issue that I guess wont go completely away. Ill never forget being at Frasier rehab and thinking I could get up and get dressed for therapy without help. My mind just could not accept NOT being able take care of myself. I did try to get out of bed alone only to hear Tommy holler about the need to put on the neck brace first (which I couldnt do alone) and stepping out of bed without an arm to hold onto was not even possible. Ill never forget coming back from therapy sick at my stomach and needing to get to the toilet as quick as I could to throw up the pink liquid they fed me through a feeding tube. I tried to turn around quick and move my legs at the same time without being able to speak that and no one could get me there fast enough, especially me. Total dependence. I cant thank Jean and Tommy enough for the help, for not making me feel helpless or embarrassed by messes constantly. In a whole lot of ways I was a true hot mess as I was hot a lot of the time, but I do remember being cold a lot too. Ive definitely seen what some would say is the worst. In lots of ways, I have been reborn with learning to walk and talk and swallow and eat. I will never be the exact same Kelly who lived before 4/1/11 even though my mind tells me I am still her and the mirror still shows me her, even the pretty Kelly sometimes; but I get up every day with determination in my heart that God will help me live this new normal and make a difference.
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 01:50:05 +0000