Tim, Im sorry I couldnt be with you today, to tell your loved ones how much you meant to me and to offer some words of encouragement that I found helpful after I lost my father and later, the love of my life. They are from C. S. Lewis, who many know. I love you, friend and I will never forget you. Thank you for the memories and for being so quintessentially...you. The reality is no longer there to check me, to pull me up short as the real “HE” so often did, so unexpectedly, by being so thoroughly himself and not me. But when I try to pray for him, I halt. Bewilderment and amazement come over me. I have a ghastly sense of unreality, of speaking into a vacuum about a non-entity. You tell me: he goes on. But my body and my heart are crying out “come back, come back”. Don’t come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you do not understand. And It is suddenly at the very moment where I mourned him least that I remembered him best. You can’t see anything properly when your eyes are blurred with tears. Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape. Did you know, dear, how much you took away with you when you left? How wicked it would be, if we could, to call the dead back. He said, not to me “I am at peace with God”. He smiled, but not at me. Then, he turned himself back toward the eternal fountain.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 03:51:08 +0000
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