Time I have issues. I’m far from perfect. That’s no secret to anyone who really knows me. One of the things I specifically struggle with is time. I’m sure most people have time-related issues; time management shortfalls, procrastination issues, a sense of there being too little time, etc. But these are not the time issues I’m speaking of necessarily. What I’m referring to are deeply ingrained issues with time. You see, for me time can be a real trigger for PTSD related anger. One of the ways PTSD manifests itself, in my experience, is a perception that time has been and still can be wasted. Combat can have a tendency to laser-focus one’s appreciation for time. One tends to regret all the recollected moments of a squandered lifetime (whether real or perceived) as the traumatic event takes place; and then following the traumatic event, one subconsciously vows to never experience that feeling of regret ever again. One vows never to waste time again. The thought process goes something like this: Time is precious. Because time is precious, it should be spent wisely. Because it should be spent wisely, it must be carefully planned. Because it must be carefully planned, any deviation from the plan is wasted time. Now that’s an over-simplification, and there are many subtexts within the process, but for the most part my description is accurate. The result of the process is that wasted time produces frustration and anger. How does this manifest itself in the everyday? One example that occurred recently was caused by a rock chip in my windshield. A truck drove by me at a high rate of speed and threw a rock into my windshield, chipping it with a loud crack. Instantly, I was angry. Some of you are probably saying, “Well, that’s not weird. I’d be angry too. Windshields are expensive.” But for me, the expense is not the deep-seated issue. Nor is the discourtesy of the speeding truck driver. None of that matters nearly as much as the time I must now deduct from my planned agenda to fix the chip. It’s a nuance, but it’s meaningful. Here’s the thing. PTSD related anger knows no bounds. It lashes out at whatever and whomever is in proximity. It’s not rational and it doesn’t care about the feelings of others. It’s insidious and destructive, and ironically leaves one feeling the very regret that they vowed never to feel again. So, in that sense, it is self-perpetuating. Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.” Some translations say, “Look carefully how you walk… redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” What is Paul saying here about time? For me, Paul is telling me that I need to spend more time in the moment and less time worrying about the time. There are two words for time in Greek. Kronos, which deals with the flow and measurement of time; and kairos, which deals with the concept of the perfect time, God’s time, or the right moment in time. In kairos time, we are speaking about time in terms of quality, not quantity. Why is this important? For me, it means an opportunity for healing. My PTSD has enslaved me to time; kronos time. Truly, God’s desire is to restore all humankind to the eternal beings He created us to be; beings not bound by kronos. We are eternal creatures trapped in the fallen state of temporal existence. The only way back to our created state is redemption through Jesus Christ. Through Him we can redeem our time and get back to experiencing kairos time the way God intended. As Christ-followers, we can choose our moments; that is, we can decide to spend our time on things that matter for the kingdom. And, we can choose to let those things that cause frustration and anger pass us by. It’s not easy; it takes real work and prayer and study. But we can redeem our time by turning it over to Jesus. Through Him we overcome our squandered past and we can be instruments, right now, even in these days where evil seems to reign, for good in the lives of our families and for the advancement of the kingdom. Regret turns to satisfaction and hope. Chaos (disorder and anger) turns to shalom (peace). Psalm 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” The Psalmist is talking about an awareness that our time on the Earth is limited (kronos), but he is also saying that because of that limitation, we must recognize the kairos moments and use them wisely, which is according to God’s perfect will. I know this has been lengthy, but even if you are not in a constant struggle concerning time, the message is valuable. Each of us has a finite race to run on the Earth. I am a work in progress. Thank God I am blessed with a wife who is willing to forgive me my many faults. I refuse to spend any more time enslaved to the anger and frustration of kronos. I claim the redeeming blood of Christ and choose to live in kairos, just as I was created to be. If you are struggling with issues associated with PTSD and would like the benefit of my experience and would like to know where to find real healing, send me a message. I would consider it kairos… time well spent.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:02:26 +0000
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