Time to reach into Pandoras box. No names needed. Not my style. Pearl Jam pumping in my ears. Eddie Vedder echoes through me like a ghost through the walls of a home. The lyrics of Black and yellow Ledbetter still ache within my soul. Four years. 1,460 days. Countless laughs, countless tears, and countless fits of rage. Cant measure the hours, the minutes, nor the seconds, too many to count. The pain, like the depths of the sea yet to be discovered, still immeasurable. Never, had I seen such a creature so vicious, so destructive, except within myself. All the times I knew I should have left, I didnt. Im no angel, nor a saint, I never claimed to be. Nicolas Cage in City of Angels, John Travolta in Michael, or I forget, who played Clarence. But, this isnt a wonderful life. And she left me wishing I wasnt born. She left me wishing I was anyone and anywhere but me and here. Time spent and time wasted. I still remembered the way her lips tasted, the way she smelled. My eyes swollen from crying. Sleep was broken. Appetite barely. I struggled to hang on. Was it true, was it false? I couldnt tell you. Today, I feel it was false. Which I had to accept. I had been used. Taken advantage of. I put it all on the line for nothing. It hurt. It tore me apart. She took my heart, all four chambers, claimed it, and viciously ripped it apart. My soul hung in the balance. Certain songs still tug at my arteries as I hear them play, the tears may stream. At times, Ive craved for amnesia, just for a moments peace. But then again, that would mean, washing away, not only the good, but the bad. The bad, that made us part ways. The bad, that outweighed the good. The bad that hurt, that ripped me apart, made me collapse,cry hysterically,feel alone,abandoned. Her leaving brought people back, gave more back. Ive met more. She took bad with her. Ive gained my friends,my freedom, and appreciation for each day. People that have left have come back. Ive met new friends along the way. To the ones the held me up, thru it all, the ones that came back yes you, and the ones at the parties, uh huh yea you, thank you,! You have no idea what that means to me. Now, as the tears fill my eyes for the last time, Im going to bury this, tonight! As I dig my emotional shovel into the core of the literary earth, I look upon her tombstone. She has left her imprint on me. It reads All the love gone bad, turned my world to black, tattooed all I see, all Ill be. 2009-2013 R.I.P.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 21:25:21 +0000
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