Time to repost this gem: In the begining God created the bass...... It was a Fender, probably a > Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it > was very old... definitely pre-C.B.S. > > And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that > it was very good in fact, and couldnt be improved on at all > (though men would later try.) And so He let it be and He created a > man to play the bass. > > And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful > sunburst color, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string > and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the > firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard > that it was good and He smiled at his handiwork. > > Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And > lo it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and He said, Go > man, go. And it was good. > > And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came > to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a > great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the > notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens. And God heard > this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had > created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of > furniture, which He hadnt even created yet, and He was not so > pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying Dont do that! > > Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his > new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky > notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran > about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but > thats another story.) And God heard this - how could He miss it - > and lo He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, > Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the > guitar. Stick to the bass parts. > > And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with > it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. > The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And > the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and > play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his excitement, the man > did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of > high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked > with the assault and the earth shook, rattled, and rolled. > > Now Gods wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to > the man. And He said, O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My > word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play > higher than you can even think of. And from out of the chaos I > shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes > thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to > the drummer. > > You think youre loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar > amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth > other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher > and faster than the bass. And for all the days of man, your curse > shall be this; that all the other musicians shall look to you, the > bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast > all the other musicians shall say Wow but really they shall hate > it. And they shall tell you youre ready for your solo career, and > find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if > you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in > like a thief in the night. > > And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the > bandstand and go to the bar for a drink.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 18:34:43 +0000
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