Time to stop putting up with crap FMT | Jan 17, 15 7:00AM This reader says it is time to stand up for ourselves because if we don’t, no one else will. By Fa Abdul Why are other people’s needs, thoughts and feelings more important than our own? Is it because we want people to like us? Or is it because we want people to think we are nice? Are we afraid of hurting their feelings? Why do we tolerate people who abuse us? Do we think that by putting up with fools, we are acting wisely because we are choosing not to provoke them? Do we think sweeping things under the rug is the best solution? Guess what? It’s not. We have been conditioned to think that being tolerant is a noble virtue. We believe it is what makes us united. We think tolerance is vital in order to live in a multi-racial society. We compromise. We put up with things that irritate us. We give up on things that matter. We find easy solutions to difficult issues by avoiding conflict. But why? Why do we put up with nonsense? When do we stand up for ourselves? No, we do not have to reach for a steering lock to whack everyone into submission. And no, we do not have to resort to a killing spree to make a point. We also do not have to run amok around Putrajaya to show our dissatisfaction with someone or something. But we definitely do not have to keep silent either. Many of us become keyboard warriors in the process. We update our Facebook statuses and leave comments on online portals. We spend hours at mamak shops and kopitiams with like-minded friends, making a big hoo-haa over this or that. But what do we get after rounds of roti canai and teh tarik? A bigger belly! We keep giving ourselves excuses for not expressing how we truly feel. I cannot complain about the lousy food because the waiter might spit in it later. I cannot get mad at my client for showing up late because I might lose the deal. I cannot make a fuss about the crying baby in the cinema because people might think I am a freak. I cannot tell the guy with the full trolley to get out of the express counter because others may see me as impolite. I cannot walk out of the mosque during a ridiculous sermon because people might think I am unIslamic. I cannot touch dogs because the muftis say so. I cannot hug K-Pop artistes because Jakim would hunt me down. We keep consoling ourselves with questions like: “What else can I do? I cannot change anything. I am just an ordinary Malaysian. I am a nobody. I cannot fight them. Even if I do, not only me but my entire family might get into trouble.” Many of us rather stick with the familiar, even the destructive, than face the unknown. We fear defending ourselves without realising that this is how our abusers keep us in line. This is how they continue to dominate us. But it isn’t entirely our fault. You see, striving to please others has been engraved in our psyche since childhood. Our upbringing shapes us into the individuals we are today. From the slap on our backside for a wrong-doing, to being corrected for how we speak, think and act. Yes, we are products of our past. Remember when you told your mom you disliked her experimental curry only to be told, “…stop complaining?”. Or the time you told your dad a boy in class stole your eraser only to be told, “…it’s okay, buy a new one”. Remember when you were bullied at school only to be told by your grandpa, “Only girls cry. Just ignore that boy and everything will be okay”. Well, guess what? Everything WILL NOT be okay. If we allow others to continuously control, manipulate, exploit and degrade us – nothing will be okay. We must understand one thing – our fear is transferred from one generation to another. It is not something we can wake up one morning and put an end to immediately. Our children must be educated. They need a strong dose of determination to fight for what they believe in. And it starts at home. Let us teach our kids to stand up for their rights. Let us encourage our kids to form their own opinions. Show them that their voice matters. We should support our kids by being a good role model for them. So let us stop spending our lives trying to please people. If we do not value ourselves, look out for ourselves and stick up for ourselves, we are sabotaging ourselves. We might not have control over what others say and do, but we definitely have control over whether or not we will allow them to say or do things that hurt us. It is time we hold our head up high and reclaim our dignity – it may be attacked and mocked but it can never be taken away unless we willingly surrender it. Remember. If we don’t stand up for ourselves, no one else will. “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr, American pastor, activist, humanitarian. Fa Abdul is producer/playwright in a local theatre company.
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 00:53:53 +0000
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