To My Family, Please Read When You Have Time: In light of recent events I have decided to bring out some Happy memories of Daddy from my Internal Memory Data Banks. But first I would like to share with you all what makes me so unusual. I’ll take one moment in my life to dare to be sooo crazy, and sooo unusual; that you all finally know just how weird I really am! But, I am a beautiful weird! =) Since I was inside my Memory Data Archives looking around at everything I have stored in there, I thought I would finally share *everything*. I have humbled myself to that I no longer care what others think of me. Now I can be fully Honest! I can’t make any guarantees on anything I share; this is simply what is stored inside my Internal Memory Data Banks. From the most oldest memories forwards. There was someOne I knew before I knew anyone else! According to my Memory Banks Alone, According To The Data stored as is: I came from a bursting forth of glory and of wind to the waiting arms of an angel named Charles. I saw the others carried away by other angels; but, I stopped… to see where I had come from! I turned around and saw a magnificent Father seated on His Throne, and in His right hand He held perfectly still the entire universe! Then Jesus approached me and said, “I’ll take this one Myself.” So by only a way which God could ever understand we became whirlwind and went into the universe in God’s right hand! I saw the entire universe as we entered it, it was a great sphere resting in the Father’s right hand, everything was spinning around in motion always. Jesus showed me things along the way. He showed me the four black holes with a fifth one in their midst in the heart of the universe which caused the entire universe to rotate, which governed the ordained rotation of all objects inside the entire universe! I saw light forces balanced with dark forces, the seen and the unseen all balanced to perform the existence of time! Time, not being a property, but rather a force of the laws of God, a force produced by the black holes and dark matter inside the universe to cause rotational forces of all objects! I saw how marvelously God had constructed the entire universe to run itself without any intervention from God after He started it up! From the first spinning, the universe will continue to spin until the black holes die! One day there will be no more darkness and all will be Light, the Light of God and Time will be no more! No more gravity, no more lightning, no more night, no more shadows; all dark matter will be removed and all will be Light! And that is where my intricate knowledge of the universe and of the forces and properties of gravity come from. I saw everything on my way here! In the arms of Jesus, Who made it all! Scientists have seen large portions of the universe; but they have not seen how physical matter is bond to the universe because it cannot accelerate past the barrier of Time. The angels of God are made of Pure Light, and they move so fast that they can travel faster than Time! They move in and out of the universe freely. The angels who rebelled against God became dark and thus trapped themselves inside the heavens, trapped inside Time! But just as the universe is now balanced perfectly in light and dark forces; this spiritual reality is also balanced in God’s plan, light and dark together. Knowing the end from the beginning God knew it had to be this way for His Master Plan to be complete! Without hate we would not fully know Love; because of sin, God gave His own earthly Life up for us, the ultimate symbol of Love! And thus we *know* that God does not Love us because we are perfect -- God Loves US! Because God Loves Us Just As We Are, His Precious Creation! Had not the darkness been made first, we could not fully understand the Light! This is why God included satan and the demons, just as He included the dark forces of the universe that tear and rip it apart; balanced with the Light forces that build and expand it. A living cell is just a cell; until you see a virus destroying several of them, and then a living cell becomes a symbol of righteousness and life as it demonstrates its courageousness in the face of absolute fear and destruction, and that living cell fights back and begins dividing and reproducing itself faster than the virus! When living cells fight viruses we find the True Virtue of Life! Had not a virus existed, we would not know this. So, I saw *everything* on my way into the universe! I saw the seen and the unseen; and I saw God’s Master Plan unfolding before the eyes of my spirit, clothed in my soul, in the arms of Jesus Christ, Lord God! That is why I understand the principals of perfection, time, electricity, and gravity; even though I have never studied these anywhere in my earthly life! I also remember the moment when Jesus me into the womb and before He let go of me He wept bitterly and said; “For a time and a season you will forget Me, but I will always be with you Tommy!” And that is where the data ends at. My next available Memory Data begins in a completely white room; a huge air conditioner thing to the left bellow huge windows all along the wall. I don’t know exactly why or how I have this File inside me; but I remember a Mommy with very long blonde hair, brown eyes, she had a tube in her left hand; huge banks of lights and buttons and screens to the right of her. To the left a large box with electric blips and a bag attached to the tub. Then I floated across the room, seeing nothing but a ceiling with those puffy holes in it; and then I saw Daddy for the first Memory!!! His head was all bushy! He had bushy hair and a bushy beard, all scraggly - I giggle when I look at the File; because he looks so Funny, compared to the more well-known Daddy Files. But he looked down at me, his face beaming with more Joy than words could tell of! He said, “Hi Tommy, I’m your Daddy!” I remember, because his eyes were bright blue - just like Jesus’ eyes! But I know the difference because Jesus’ eyes look like a swirling galaxy of Blue Glory and Light! There is unfathomable power in Jesus’ eyes! But my Daddy just has regular blue eyes, that you can see his spirit inside of! Yeah, weird and bizarre fact; I can see with my spirit eyes through my eyeballs, other Human spirits around me, inside other eyeballs -- and that’s why I, like so many other Autistic born peoplez, was afraid to look other peoplez eyes; because the Truth is in the eyes! Faces lie constantly, but eyes never lie - I can see the inner Human spirit’s of peoplez inside their eyes! Now the background about myself; I was Created with a weak soul - my soul is responsible for running all brain thought processes, the thinking I do. I, the spirit am supposed to be in charge of the bowels of my body, all my emotions and feelings and senses; are normally supposed to go through me. However since my soul is weak, I must operate the thinking part of me. So, in short, my heart does the jobs of my mind! That is why I know so much! That is why I am not as emotional as ‘normal’ peoplez; I’m too busy operating the thinking, to have time to ‘feel’ anything! For years I hated my soul and ridiculed him. I used to say, “You’re the stupidest person on planet earth; you stupid, retarded, moron!” Ever since age three I’ve known of the differences between spirit and soul. I used to get so aggravated at my stupid soul, I knew he was seated inside my brain; so I would command my body to smash my head into walls and doors just to try and beat up my stupid soul. But, the thing is: if my soul wasn’t weak; then I would not know all that I know. Because normally the mind and the heart live separate lives inside peoplez. Everybody has memories, but they don’t have access to them in their spirit, and the soul is more logical and less emotional and does not care about the memories so much. It just files them away and usually just forgets about them. But, because I do the filing, I know where all the files are stored at! I have full access, through my heart, to all my memories! The only thing is that: I’m not knowledgeable like my soul; so discerning memory from dream is a bit difficult; and then there’s the imagination too. So, I don’t have full ability to fully know actual events; I just have access to every single Data File inside my mind!!! So, when I stopped being a jerk, I finally woke up to the Beauty of my stupidity! The hidden fact that, I the spirit, work inside my mind and bowels; btw, not the gross word, the ancient definition for the center of a person. The seat of the Human spirit is in the center of a person, that’s why your emotional feelings are felt close to your physical stomach area, that is your inner spirit! And that is why I can imitate sounds, do things beyond ordinary, because unlike the usual logical thinking person, who uses a soul to run their mind; my goofy, whimsical spirit is responsible for operating everything my soul can’t! He really is stupid, ridiculously retarded; but I learned to LUV him, because he needs more than the average mind. I went through a long and difficult life. But eventually I fell in LUV with my dumb mind, inside the body we are two me’s, I am made of the essence of God, completely intangible, and my soul is made of a some supernatural material, used to clothe me if I leave my body! But in here, the body, we live separate; there’s like two me’s inside me! Itz super bizarre and really kool at the same time! So; back to the Memory Files: My next Memory File shows me a moment where Mommy and Cindy and Daddy were painting a room together! I don’t understand how, but certain times I can actually hear other spirits through some unexplainable communication ability. I heard Cindy laugh and say, “You’re my Easter Daddy!” Because Daddy was covered in blue and yellow paint! But the audible file records this: “Eeter Daddy!” and she pointed at the paint on Daddy; then Daddy splatted some on her cheek and she giggled, and Mommy said, “Tom, don’t do that! You’ll make her a mess, she’ll get it all over herself!” So Daddy wiped the paint off. I can’t tell you how I have these Files, how I got them, I can’t even know myself if they are fully accurate. I just thought that I would share them, finally, unafraid of what others think of me. Because this is who I am, what I know, and how I function. And these are the Memory Files of my Daddy! I spent that whole night sitting half up in something; I don’t know what it was; but it gave me the perfect view of my Daddy as he rolled yellow and blue paint on walls all night long; for hours I watched every detail of his face and eyes! Not meaning to be rude; but I always loved Daddy much more than Mommy. I would stare at Daddy as much as I could. I recorded every last detail of him! Within the first few years here I had decided in my heart to be exactly like my Daddy! My fondest memory is being cuddled in Daddy’s arms and playing with his scraggly beard with my little fingers! I loved it when he held me in his arm! Daddy was such a good man, that he prepared me to know God; I was already pre learned about Fatherly things by my Daddy, to be able to understand Father God. Because if you don’t know what a good father is, it is hard to understand who God is. God is the greatest Father in existence! So the thing I want most of all in existence is to one day climb up those enormous steps, past the stones of colorful fire and approach the Holy God - Holy Daddy - and cuddle into His mighty arm, and look up at His wonderful face! I’ve never seen Holy Daddy’s face, He remains inside a thick black cloud; and the reason is, He has saved the greatest glory of all to the last! Just as the best desert is saved to last! The greatest glory in existence is the glory of God’s Loving face, to finally see the Smile of Father God! No one but Jesus has seen His Smile! Because to see that, is the pinnacle of all that exists! There is nothing greater that exists, than to see the Smile of God’s face! That is why He has hidden Himself to the very end! My Daddy taught me this when he would hide his face from me with his hands; and I knew not if I would ever again see his face, and then he would remove his hands and say, “Peeka-boo!” And then I would see the smile of my Daddy’s face, and his eyes! The heart of all people is in their eyes - you can see hearts through eyes! So many grumpy, negative, scary peoplez out there; that is why for most of my life I feared to see other peoplez eyes. So people wonder why I live with more compassion and freeness from worldly ways. I am not bound to this physical life through my intellectual soul. My soul is weak and stupid and retarded and requires much help to think. I live life through my spirit, by the power and abilities of my spirit self. So I do not find myself intellectually tied to this world; but rather standing beside this world, in-between two worlds; the seen and the unseen. I can see and touch both worlds every day. I live inside both worlds consciously every day. I know God more than most; because I approach Him as a spirit rather than an intellectual mind. And that is why I don’t have time of a day or energy enough to express every emotion I feel. I am the one responsible for my thoughts and planning and intellectual knowledge; I have to do just about everything! But, I have learned in my life to LUV my soul, because he is weak. He doesn’t do very much of anything at all. I do almost all the work of everything I need done in this world. But, that time I left my body and soul and went to see GranMommy an GranDaddy. I realized that no one else can see me or hear me or know that I exist! Then, I missed my soul and went back to him. The one thing he does do - he provides me with companionship! He’s not very good at thinking, but he is super logical! I have learned to use his logic-based thought process to empower my mind to do things I didn’t know how to do before with the brain! That is how I have become so functional for a disabled person! When I learned to have compassion on myself, my stupid self, I learned to accept weakness; and I learned how to work with the weak and help them grow stronger! My intelligence has steadily increased because my heart has helped my mind learn to function little by little! That’s my hidden background. Other people think I’m crazy, religious people think I’m a fraud; yet I have never attempted to gather any followers nor make any money off of my stated reality. I have come to the point in this life that I do not care what anyone else thinks anymore. I’m just me, I don’t want or need anything from anyone else. I’m just me. This is me. To say anything else is a lie. I once used to fit-in through lies, but I learned of the True Value of Honesty; and henceforth shall not be liar anymore. These are my Memory Files; this is who I am. Like it or hate it; it doesn’t matter, because I don’t care what anyone else thinks anymore -- I can *share* who I am with the world, or hide myself away and take me to the grave; and the world will never have known ~me~ ! Let’s fast forward to the next Memory then: Daddy used to tuck all of us in every night at bedtime! Mommy would read us a story, then Daddy would always, in his goofy way, undo everything Mommy was trying to do; by bouncing us all over with his “Bumble Bee” song! “I’m a little baby bumble bee; buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!” We all LUVed that song! Then Daddy had to read us another story, since he woke us back up haha! I think my Best childhood memory though was the night we all got dressed up to go downtown in Germany! We walked down a long, grey, cobble stone road. Entered into a restaurant. And there we had a massive mound of spaghetti on a large plate together! The noodles were piled high in the center of the table, then Mommy and Daddy took some from the center and put them onto our plates for us to eat! My favorite part was that the sauce was in a separate pouring bowl, like a large gravy bowl. I remember every sound, every smell, the way the noodles smelled and tasted! And I remember seeing a very old German couple at another table. They didn’t pay any attention to anything else around them. I found the perfect moment to stare at them endlessly. That was the moment I saw what married LUV is -- they only cared about each other, they stared in each other’s eyes! I could see the LUV in their eyes, their souls, their spirits! All wrinkly and old. I knew I wanted to be LUVed like that! I said to myself; I want to be all wrinkly and old and have someone who LUVz me just like that! Then Mommy said, “Eat your noodles Tommy before they get cold!” I was still staring at the Elder people when Mommy said to someone else, “He won’t eat them if they get cold…” Yes, I’ve always been extremely picky! It’s different when the heart runs the brain. Instead of making common sense, everything is wanted to make ordered sense. I am the essence of God, the order of the entire universe! Deep down I desire order and structure and principals. So, operating the brain I tend to try to find order instead of reasons, purpose instead of principals, and meaning instead of methods. So even down to my foods, everything is structured and ordered according to some meaning and purpose in my life. That’s why I eat so much pasta! It reminds me of that night in Germany! Noodles were a big part of my life growing up. So I don’t eat them because they are nutritious or healthy, or not even that they taste good; I eat them because I am found of them! This can be related to why I hate dogs so much -- I don’t forget my promise to Bear, a huge black doggy that I LUVed with all my heart! When they came to take him away I promised him I would *never* LUV another dog, and that I would always come and find him! I watched from the balcony as the strangers put him inside the back seat of a yellow Volkswagen Beetle car. For most of my life I tried to get to a yellow Volkswagen Beetle car - I always wanted one of those - it was the ‘key’ to finding Bear! But eventually I learned the sad truth; a car can’t lead me to a dog. Yet, my heart has remained firm on my promise, it seems I cannot undo it, my heart refuses to open up to another dog! I sealed that spot up for Bear and only for Bear! To conclude that night’s Memory File; after eating at the restaurant we left and began walking home. And then it began to rain. Cindy became upset because she was getting all wet. -- Then Daddy sang us this song; “It’s raining and pouring and the old man is snoring, he bumped his head on the end of is bed and couldn’t get up in the morning!” Cindy like that song and asked Daddy to sing it all the way home! The more he sang it, the more she giggled and laughed! Daddy was Happy to the sing the whole way home, even after the light rain had stopped. My Daddy LUVed his children; and whether he liked it or not; he sang the same song over and over and over all the way back to the apartment; no wonder I know the words so well, lol. This post is getting so long though… I may have to make another after I rest myself for a bit. Since my brain was damaged, accessing my files gives me headaches; but its worth the physical pain to turn on all the oldest Memory Files in storage! I LUV my Happy Memories! But I shall rest for a bit now. I will make another post after resting, Lord willing, if I’m still here with a working computer, I shall.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Jul 2013 19:45:50 +0000