To be completely honest, it has been more than extremely difficult to watch the “It’s been a great year” Facebook videos everyone has been posting. It has been hard not to feel selfish--wishing I could say the same of mine, because it has been far from great. So here is my year in words...more than just pictures...but true feelings & emotions. As I reflect on the year 2014, I begin with 4 great months of marriage & teaching, which consumes about 1 mili second of my thoughts. My mind then goes to the whole month of May. A month I didnt even realize was happening at the time, but now retrace in my mind every single day.... Then as I eventually move past May, my mind can’t imagine trying to live the past 7 months without friends, family, co-workers, my students, and even personal notes from strangers. Even though no one has been able to (or will be able to) heal my pain or fill the void my heart feels each day, many have been there with me through it. For this, I am very grateful. Then to end the year, I have to be honest to say that the past several weeks have been the hardest of any—by far—because the things Cole loved the most have all been at their peak: the season of giving to others and taking no credit for himself, family time spent with laughter and games, potential snow storms to predict and watch, then feet of snow to blow after. Another basketball season to coach. An amazing Packer Football regular season and an exciting post season to soon begin. And especially teacher snow days and days on break to relax and watch movies all day. Especially our favorite movie series—Home Alone, where we got many of our favorite quotes. 1 being, “When I grow up & get married, I’m living alone!” It has been a painful realization that this quote IS possible….. and this is me. It’s all just been too much without him all at once. It is extremely scary to think of the year 2015 and years to come after. Not knowing God’s plan, but trusting that his plan is great, is more than difficult. But hearing Cole’s positive and confident voice saying “Why be negative Cait when there are so many great things in life to be thankful for? Don’t waste your time and thoughts worrying and complaining” is what keeps me going. Well, as you know Cole Kenneth--this was, and still is--a daily struggle for me to apply to MY life. And even though I miss hearing your voice saying it to me each day, I will stay strong and not give up each day that our Lord continues to keep me here on this earth. .. Until we meet again…Cait
Posted on: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 03:30:15 +0000
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