To be honest, looking at old pictures really really freaks me out. Seeing your old self and how much youve developed. The hard recollection of times spent with your best friends. Its frightening because it seems gone. Its behind you. Its as if the photo is set in place to mock you of your past happiness. I do feel I should be grateful for the memories, but instead I feel a sharp sadness knowing that it all ended. The clock ran out on that particular moment, and you will never experience it again. Is the sadness from all the past happiness? Happiness is later found in the moments you thought you hated in the present. A picture from your freshman year, or a shot of you at your old job. It can bring back some much joy in that one moment you didnt even realize you were having. I guess the older we grow, the more we learn to appreciate and cherish every second, and learn to really be able to capture the moment. And when we see a photograph, we appreciate the subtleties. The way our hair looked. The way our friend dressed. How you had fun. What you did after work. Maybe its realizing that all the little things in life ...were the big things all along? I guess Im insure of my feelings towards the past and future, however, I am immensely thankful for each person whom I have befriended who was able to positively impact my life. I love all the good which has rested my doubt and put my heart at ease. And I love all the bad, that allowed me to grow, and to become wise & virtuous. I appreciate that I can say with the upmost confidence that I am living my life to the fullest potential, without wasting a beat. I think about myself at 90 year old every single day. Its allowed me to gain so much of an understanding of appreciation. I can appreciate that long walk in the 90 degree heat when Im exhausted, because I know, one day I wont be able to walk. And when Im 90, I know, I would do anything just to walk one more time. Just to go on one more hike, or one more game of basketball. It allows me to LOVE every waking moment of this life. And when Im looking back reminiscing, all I want, is to be satisfied. Maybe thats all Im after - final satisfaction.
Posted on: Tue, 24 Jun 2014 03:39:36 +0000
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