To the A-holes who stole both my black baby dolls last night at Charlies Phoenix while I was performing my Have You Checked the Children? routine: This is not the first time some louse has stolen one or two of my props — certainly, and unfortunately, I know it wont be the last — because I know the world is full of lowdown, despicable, reprehensible, dishonorable, unprincipled, rotten scoundrels just like you. You must have felt entitled to help yourself to my dolls, and Ill give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it was because you tipped me a dollar — that is, if you actually tipped me a dollar. But no matter how you look at it, and for what its worth, for that dollar, consider for just a moment how you would feel if I came into YOUR office and swiped several items from your desk. Your stapler. Your tape dispenser. Your poster of that kitten dangling from a tree with the words Just Hang in There. Knowing you, your modus operandi, regardless of how calculated or otherwise impromptu — I bet those items on your little desk at your little job where your little rat-self sits Monday through Friday and nine to five — I bet even those items were stolen. That said, just know that when you are sleeping in your little bed, when you least expect it, one night I will, in fact, be hovering over you like a mother grizzly in her best Julia Sugarbaker suit — because, before I breath my last breath on earth — I am going to check off the last item on my bucket list by hunting you down and rescuing my two stolen, African American baby dolls. Im just saying. Oh, and have a great day.
Posted on: Mon, 28 Jul 2014 19:31:06 +0000
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