To the mom/grandma in Illinois that mailed me a letter....how can I say thank you? Your words touched my heart in such a way, Ill never be the same again. Youve suffered your own loss, and are now trying to help me through mine to come. I read your letter aloud to my husband, through tears and a cracked voice. This journey of loss is the hardest to walk. I believe that with all my heart and soul. Ive been grieving for 2 1/2 years now; grieving the loss of the child I thought I was having. Grieving the loss of my dreams and hopes for walks in the park holding hands, arms wrapped around my neck, whispers of Mommy, kisses on my cheek. Cheerleader tryouts, bicycle rides, birthday parties, broken hearts, sweetheart crushes, girlfriend fights, college tours, proms and date nights. The grief for all this is still there. It doesnt go away. But I will take nothing for my girl. I would not trade her for a hundred healthy children. I wouldnt give her back, wouldnt risk losing her, and would pick her over and over again if given the chance. God determined that Sophia would be mine and how blessed am I! Yes, I am a grieving mother, but also a thankful one. I have the most beautiful girl in the world to kiss every day, she listens to my stories without interruption, she lets me hold her like she was still a baby, she needs me in every way, my touch and smell can completely change her mood. I watch her see with her hearing, she knows nothing of the cruelty of the world, and she brings such beauty to all who know her. I am a grieving mother, but a lucky one. My daughter has never said a single word, but has changed the world. She has touched the lives of others and made them better. My daughter has never smiled but she can brighten the day just by being Sophia Grace. When you wrote in your letter that I should remember that Sophia belonged to God first....well, that puts it all in perspective, doesnt it? I know that to be true, Ive always known that. But to say it aloud, to hear it said, changes things. Changes my outlook. Yes, Sophia belonged to God before He sent her to me. And you wrote that one day, God will need her back because the angels and God must surely be missing her. Now, see there, just writing that sentence makes me cry all over again. Yes, surely they miss this angel, this little girl that can brighten the sky by just being. This little girl that has made the world a better place by just being in it. I am sure that God misses Sophia just as I know that I will one day miss Sophia too. My only condolence in this journey is knowing that Heaven is much more perfect for Sophia than this Earth, and that one day, there will be a walk in the park holding hands, arms around my neck, sweet sounds of Mommy in my ear, and kisses on my cheek. Oh how I wish it could be now. How I wish this Earth was deserving of that beautiful miracle. But my plans are not Gods plans. And He knows better than me. Thank you to the mom/grandma of Illinois for helping me to see and remember that God is in the center of this entire journey. We are thankful for our time with Sophia and each day is a blessing like no other.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 02:07:41 +0000
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