Today, 10 years ago, January 14, 2005 at 1045 PM Nan passed away in Long Island Jewish Hospital after being a a coma for 4 days. The night she was admitted, as I was sleeping on the floor next to her bed, I heard her go through her life like a tape recording playing non-stop. I remember hearing her repeat her life story and go through her life as if she was reviewing her life before God. It was the wildest, most strangest time and it was at the same time refreshing to hear. At that time I did not know that after that whole dialogue she was having with God that it would be the last words that came out of her mouth. As I lay on the floor listening, I did not realize that it could be a ritual that everyone does before they die but this one was done aloud for me to hear. The hardest decision I ever had to make was with my sisters Maria A. Esposito and Danielle Esposito when we decided to take Nan off life support and allow her to die with dignity and honor without the breathing and feeding tubes that were keeping her alive. I still remember her face was so stone cold with the tubes in her and when the tubes were removed she put on the most beautiful smile that really gave us the peace of mind to know we made the right decision. As a child I always remember telling Nan I would always stay with her and never leave her alone. I remember telling her that I would never move from Ozone Park and always be near her. I am proud that I kept my childhood promises and I was always there for her no matter what she needed. I am proud that I never left her alone in the hospital and that I was able to be by her side through all her trials and tribulations. I am proud that she was allowed to live her last years with dignity, grace, honor and respect. That she was able to remain at home, recovering instead of rehab and that she was strong all the way until the end. That Nan and Nan alone put together her own 90th B-day party, invited her own guest made out her own list and table settings and was just so happy to spend her last b-day with her siblings. Nan was proud of her family. She was especially proud that her 7 brothers and sisters were able to agree that they would give her the house she had called home for all of her life because she had dedicated her remaining years to care for her mother and being there for her. That she did everything and anything for her mother, while still working a full time job on 108 street and Jamaica ave and raising her grandchildren. Nan was the strongest woman I have ever known who never complained no matter how much was thrown at her. She left Jamaica Vocational High School to work and help her family. She got married to the man of her dreams and lost her first baby, in 1938. She sacrificed to help her husband send money to his family in Italy. She raised 4 children, and took care of her sick husband who died in 1969. She than stayed behind and cared for her mother until her death in 1982. She raised and cared for and supported 5 grandchildren all while still working full time at the dress shop. Even in her final years with the minor setbacks that was bestowed on her, she never complained. She took it in strive like a champion. Even after the amputation she never took a single pain pill and lived with pain unimaginable. She was trooper through and through. She was proud of the successes of her siblings always boasting and talking about them and how proud she was of all of them. She often had dinners at her home to make sure that she saw her siblings as much as she could. And even though in the end she saw her own family in chaos I really believe that her true happiness was in her ability to maintain great relationships with her siblings who loved her to death. Nan may you rest in peace with your siblings and 2 daughters that are now by your side. May you continue to touch lives the way you continue to touch lives now. May we bring you happiness in knowing that what you taught us, some of us actually live by and know that the most important thing in life is that when you left this earth you left it much much better than before you entered it. You left a sounding legacy that has resonated through the years and you left a noticeable mark on people;s lives who continue to remember and talk about you. There is not a day that goes by, not a minute that passes me that I do not think of you or miss you. My continued trips to the cemetery are some of the best conversations I have with you. And I will never forget all the things you taught me. I am a better person because of you and I will continue to make you proud of me. You made a difference in my life and the lives of ALL my friends who were lucky enough to know you. All of us are better people because of you. I love you and appreciate everything you did, all that you sacrificed and all that you gave up for us. You could have said no but that would have been out of character for you. Thank you for making me the man I am today may you rest in peace Amen.
Posted on: Wed, 14 Jan 2015 21:56:19 +0000
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