Today, December 1, 2014, marks the 13 month anniversary of Sarah’s wreck. Time has flown by. Time has stood still. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It’s hard to believe it has only been that long. I know that probably doesn’t make any sense, but if you have lived through what we’ve lived through the last 13 months, it makes perfect sense. I’ve decided to do my updates on the 1st of each month. For those of you who look forward to the updates, that’s an easy date to remember. The 1st of each month will also mark another month gone by since the wreck. I want to prepare you . . . these posts will probably be pretty lengthy. There is quite a bit to catch up on. Friday, October 31, marked the 52 week anniversary of the wreck. It’s remarkable how much progress Sarah has made from a physical standpoint. If you couldn’t see her scars, you would never know that she had been in a terrible wreck, that just one year before she nearly had her life ripped away from her. If she didn’t need to wear a walking boot on her left foot, you would never know that her right leg was shattered from hip to ankle and that her left leg was nearly amputated. If you couldn’t see the lines of scarser left arm, you would never know that just 6 months ago she had virtually no use of her left hand. She’s made remarkable progress from a physical perspective. However, emotionally she’s still a train wreck. There is much work to be done there. More on that later. We spent Saturday, November 1, all together. Chris and I went to a family wedding, which was a beautiful celebration, then met up with the kids at Sarah’s apartment. It was an emotional day for Sarah, as it was for all of us. We went to eat, to a movie, then headed to Tell City. It was late when we got home, but we had some things we wanted to share with Sarah. One thing was a custom poster of her poem, “The Top.” I’m pretty sure I’ve shared it in one of my previous updates. It’s quite ironic how that poem is so befitting of where Sarah is in her life, and she wrote it when she was a senior in high school. We had also worked very hard at preparing a book for Sarah, a book which commemorates the events of the first year after the wreck. The book includes all of my Facebook updates, letters from friends and family members, as well as medical reports, the accident report, photographs, among other things. Then we watched “the video,” a labor of love created by Larry Peter and Zach Ecuyer at Power House with photos, videos, music, quotes, screenshots, you name it, that Chris, Lauren, Brittany and I compiled. The video is so well done. It captures what Sarah has been through in the last year. It’s touching and telling and moving. I’ve watched it dozens of times and cry every time. We wanted Sarah to see it for the first time in the privacy of our home, surrounded by the people who love her the most. Sunday, November 2, was a big day for us. We had been planning a surprise party for weeks. We had told Sarah that we were having the family get together at the Ranch, the Goffinet family camp just outside of town. Little did she know that we had nearly 100 of her closest high school and college friends, teammates and coaches, family and family friends there already. It was an amazing day. Needless to say, she was surprised. We had great food and great fellowship. It was a day of celebration, a day of remembering what the last year had been like, a day of being thankful to still have our little girl with us, a day of being thankful for the dozens of friends and family members who have helped us through this process. For as much as Sarah doesn’t like surprises, I think she was happy with how the day went. We had hoped it would help bring her out of her depression, that seeing how many people love her and support her, that seeing how many people have been by her side through all of this, that seeing there are people who will never give up on her, would help her realize that the events of November 1, 2013, didn’t ruin her life, they just changed the direction of her life. I will continue to sing the praises of Lisa Miller. She is beyond brilliant as a health care provider but, even more than that, she is the most caring and compassionate person I know. She loves Sarah like her own child and has gone well above and beyond to help us with Sarah’s medical issues. She has started Sarah on two more medications to help with the depression issues; hopefully they will help. Sarah does great when we get her out and about, but if left on her own, she would stay in her apartment all day and all night, just her and the cats in the dark. We are trying so hard to help her get out of this dark place, out of this hole. She really needs her friends now…the ones who will be with her and take her places, even if it’s just to the PAC to exercise or walk around. It’s so hard to understand that she just can’t make herself do anything. She’s a textbook case of depression. Hopefully we’ll be able to get this figured out with the right combination of medications, professional help, and love and support. We want our baby girl back. We know she won’t be like she was before the wreck. You can’t live with the pain she does and ever be the same. You can’t be 19 years old and have your favorite past-time, running, taken away from you and not be forever changed. But November 1, 2013, didn’t ruin her life. It changed her but it didn’t ruin her. She is brilliant, beautiful, talented, witty, engaging. She has all of her limbs. She had no brain damage nor spinal cord injuries. She has to figure out a way to understand that November 1, 2013, didn’t ruin her life, it redirected her life. She has an amazing life ahead of her. She just doesn’t see that right now. Hopefully she will soon. Sarah is busy with school work. Finals start next week. It’s hard to believe another semester is almost over. She started the semester with 12 credit hours and is finishing with 18 as she had to start the first week of November with the final two classes from last fall. After many headaches, she was finally able to register for classes for next spring. Luckily, she won’t have a terribly heavy workload with respect to the number of credit hours she has to take for the remainder of her college career. She’ll be able to take 9 or 12 hours and finish one semester late. If it hadn’t been for the progression of her graphic design classes, she would have been able to graduate on time. Students at Tell City High School are so fortunate to have the opportunity to take dual credit classes. Having all of those hours transferred in is what kept Lauren on schedule and able to graduate on time, even while playing a sport that spanned both semesters. Those dual credits are also keeping Sarah from having to take 15 or 18 hours a semester, even though she has missed an entire semester of school. We are working on getting Sarah a new insert for her left shoe so that she doesn’t have to wear the walking boot. The boot is throwing off her gait, is causing extra pressure on her bad knee, and is throwing her hips and spine out of line. We are hopeful the next insert will fit inside her shoe so she can wear two regular shoes. As if we hadn’t been through enough in the last 18 months with my sister’s death, my dad’s shop burning, and Sarah’s wreck, we found out on November 5 that my beloved Kate, my 7 and a half year old Golden Retriever, was very sick. Wasn’t it quite befitting that I found this out on my sister’s birthday? I was devastated. I had taken Hoosier and Kate to be groomed, and my groomer realized that Kate’s stomach was distended. She had lost a lot of weight, but we thought it was because we had had her on diet food that she hated so she wasn’t eating as much. X-rays and lab work were ordered, and the next day Matt, my vet, called to confirm the bad news. Kate had a massive abdominal tumor which had already metastasized to her lungs. Matt said that at best she would live until Christmas. It didn’t take that long. By mid-week two weeks later, I noticed she was struggling to eat and her breathing became more labored. She rarely went outside. By Friday, I was sure she wouldn’t make it through the weekend. I had already decided that if she lived through Saturday night that I would call Matt on Sunday. I couldn’t let her suffer. Keeping her alive for my benefit wasn’t right. On Saturday, November 22, shortly before midnight, Kate, the first dog I had as a puppy, took her last breaths. She was surrounded by her family. We had our hands on her, petting her, comforting her, telling her it was OK to go, that she didn’t have to fight anymore, that she didn’t have to protect us anymore. We buried her above our garden where I can look out the kitchen window to see her grave. She continues to watch over us. I miss her every day. If you’re friends with Lauren on Facebook, please look at the post she did about Kate. It’s quite beautiful, quite touching. I remember the day we got Kate. She came from my minister’s sister, who was a breeder who lived north of Chicago. Lance, my minister, drove to Indianapolis and his sister drove there. Lance brought Kate home. Her name at the time was Coral and her fingernails were painted. That’s how the breeder could tell the puppies apart. As soon as I saw her I knew her name was going to be Kate. She was a bundle of red fur and had a pudgy puppy belly. Her first day with us we took her to Lauren’s softball tourney at Hancock County; of course, everyone fell in love with her. She quickly grew into a beautiful girl. She was a country girl. She loved being outside. Even though she hated the water, she loved to lie outside in the rain. She often slept on our patio on one of the lounge chairs. She liked it there because she could keep watch over her domain, over her property. And while she was protecting us from all of those evil creatures that lurk in Perry County, she managed to get skunked. A lot. As in 4 or 5 times a year. She was definitely our alpha dog. And she was my girl. Chris always joked that if he couldn’t find me, all he had to do was look for Kate. She was where I was. She rarely left my side. Hoosier, our 10 year old Golden Retriever, and Shiloh, our 18 month old Golden Retriever, have lost their queen. I could tell that they knew something was wrong with her. They were very gentle with her. They, like we, are grieving. We continue to be proud every single day of our son Reed. He finished his cross country season at semi-state on October 25 and started basketball practice the next week. He’s a great teammate, a natural leader, and he works very hard at any sport he participates in. He didn’t play basketball last year. In retrospect, it’s probably a good thing. Although we missed seeing him on the basketball floor, with the crazy winter we had with Sarah, him having already decided to not play was one of the few things that seemed to work out last winter. The boys played their first game last Saturday night. It was so good to see Reed in a basketball uniform, especially since he wears No. 20, Lauren’s high school number. We’re looking forward to a fun basketball season. Lauren is doing very well. She’s nearly half way through her second year of teaching. She’s doing a great job. Lauren, being the new kid on the block, has the worst teacher’s desk ever. She has taken two really old desks and put them together to make a workstation. A few weeks ago the principal and assistant principal were touring the school and noticed how neat and organized Lauren’s classroom was, even with no filing cabinet, a broken down desk, and no storage cabinet. They were so impressed that they gave her money to buy a new desk! You would have thought she had won the lottery. She’s coaching the freshmen girls’ basketball team at McLean County and is an assistant coach on the varsity team. She loves Christmas and has done a great job decorating for the holidays. Lauren and Brittany were here when Kate died. It was hard on her to lose our red-headed girl. Since my last post, we have had an addition to the family. Asher Scott Goffinet was born on November 17. Adam, Lucy and Baby Asher are doing well. He weighed in at a tiny 6 pounds, 5 ounces. I’m used to big babies . . . Sarah was our “little” one at 8 pounds, 2-1/2 ounces. Lauren weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces, and Reed weighed almost 10 pounds. The first time I held Asher, it felt like I was holding a blanket and that’s it. He’s precious and he’s perfect. We’re so happy for Adam and Lucy. Chris and I headed to Evansville the evening after Asher was born; we picked Lauren up in Reo and she went with us. Lucy looked great. How is it possible to look that good after having a C-section? Adam is so proud and cute. They have waited so long for this baby. We’re thrilled for them. It’s great to have a baby in the family; it has been a while. When we left town to go to St. Mary’s to see the baby, I told Chris that I was glad the women’s hospital had a separate entrance from the main hospital. I hadn’t been back there since Sarah was discharged almost a year before. After our visit with Adam, Lucy and Asher, we headed down the elevator to go home. Unfortunately, we got on a different elevator than we went up on. The doors opened into the lobby of the main hospital. I nearly panicked. My heart started racing, I felt light headed, and tears started streaming down my office. It was awful. And then I saw the sign to the emergency room and things went from bad to worse. I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. Will this never end? Will I always be this anxious? Will I always want to crawl in a hole when I hear an ambulance or helicopter? Will I always have this unusual awareness when the clock hits 5:32 p.m. on Fridays? I sure hope not. It was great to have everyone together for Thanksgiving. My brother-in-law, Bill, and the three boys came from Louisville to have lunch at our house with Mom and Dad on Thursday, then we went to Bill and Dolores’ for supper. It was a good day. Sarah, Dempsey and Paddy were home from Tuesday evening until Sunday morning. As I have always done, when I got up in the mornings, I went into the den (that’s where Sarah sleeps when she’s home) to make sure she was warm enough. I pulled the covers up around her shoulders. She stirred a bit, reached for my hand, pulled it close to her face and said “Momma, I love you.” Of course, my heart melted. Little things like that make me realize my little girl is still in there; we just have to be patient and keep working to get all of her back. I love having all of the kids here. Reed ran in the Turkey Trot on Thursday morning. He finished second and did very well, especially since he hasn’t done any distance running since he ran at semi-state in late October. With all of our Thanksgiving festivities on Thursday, that left us all day Friday and Saturday to work on our Christmas decorations. This year is so different from last year. Last year, all I was able to do was put up the tree. I love decorating the house for Christmas. I really missed it last year. I spent all day Friday working inside; Chris did a lot of the outside decorations. Then Saturday we went to the woods to gather fresh greenery, berries, twigs, etc., so I could decorate my hayracks. I got those finished Saturday afternoon. It feels more normal. It feels like Christmas. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I’ll be doing updates on the first of each month. So, until I update again, our family wants to thank you, our friends, our family, this amazing community, for all of your love and support. It’s been a long 13 months, but we give thanks every single day that we still have our little girl with us. I give thanks that Lauren doesn’t have to face what I did, the loss of her only sister. I give thanks that Reed didn’t see his sister die on November 1, 2013. I give thanks that we had a wonderful celebration on the one year anniversary of the wreck. Wishing all of you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Let the spirit of the season be in our hearts every day. With love from the Goffinets – Darla, Chris, Lauren, Sarah and Reed
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:19:31 +0000
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