Today I heard someone use the phrase, I fell into a depression. Hearing that made me think. You dont fall into a depression! It slowly happens. You dont all of a sudden feel like you hate yourself and want to die everyday. It starts out very little, something happens that makes you sad. Just when you think you are starting to get happy again. WHAM! Something else happens, and again, and again. It never seems to end. Then when you are used to the feeling of being numb, apathetic, and hating everyone that speaks. Thats when you know something is wrong. You cant just all of a sudden wist for your existence to cease. You go through a series of thoughts and feelings to get to a state of depression. Depression feels like you are another person inside of you. You are going along living your day when something happens and you realize it. You were never really feeling it. Youre disconnected from your body. Floating in an empty endless void just beneath the surface of your skin. No matter what you do you cant actually interact. You move your limbs, but you dont feel the breeze. You dont feel the heat of the sun. Its all information. Something you know, but arent actually feeling. Making the puppet you talk and move while you struggle to reach out of that place inside. Depression is always striving to feel your own skin and never quite reaching it. Sending you farther and deeper into that eternal secular limbo. Youll try and do anything to get back to that surface and away from the crushing despair and lonesome echoes of life apart. You hurt yourself. You please yourself. Trying to trigger every primal reaction you can so theres another brief instant of living again, instead of just being alive.
Posted on: Mon, 14 Jul 2014 02:41:51 +0000
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