Today I try to take in what it means to be a widow. It means I was once a wonderful mans wife, exclusively his. Many years shared with ups and downs and most anything you can imagine in between. Against all odds our love stood the test of time. I was so richly blessed to be his wife and carry his name. He chose me. The last two days were the roughest filled with ups and downs. I am grateful that my voice, my presence was some sort of comfort to him. We grew to love each other more than we could imagine and it was expressed over and over again. After a long weekend of decline, I awoke at 5:55 am to know he was no longer battling to take a breath, I felt relief for him knowing he is truly with the Lord. I feel honored to have spent the night loving him, encouraging him, praying for him, reconciling the final things that needed to be reconciled, endless kisses & tears, hand holding and snuggling as best I could till I would fall asleep. Oh how I will miss his big beautiful hands. I hated the suffering but I was honored that he allowed me to stay close till the end. I felt like I was ushering him to his entry to the throne of heaven, no more sorrow, only joy in the presence of our Bridegroom King, yes Jesus. I can imagine the Father embracing him and saying well done, good and faithful servant. John 3:16 was his favorite verse in the bible: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. Ralphs confidence never waiver that Christ was his Savior and wanted nothing more than for each of our children to know that experience as well. Today, he knows that for what it really is. As for me, I am heartbroken BUT God is my comfort. So many of you are being His instrument to bless me, thank you. The pain is so intense at times but even in that I find joy to have been so blessed to share 25 years as a couple, 22 1/2 yrs as his wife. It was so hard to see them take him away. weve shared so much. I am blessed beyond reason. I already miss his voice, hearing him over and over again tell me I love you sweetie.. But I am not without hope. Our children have been so strong for me. Please pray for them as they are hurting intensely too. I am sorry this is long, I will go with these scriptures that encourages my heart as the tears flow again this morning : Psalm 16: 1-2, 5-9 & 11: 1 Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust. 2 O my soul, you have said to the Lord, “You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You.” 5 O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot. 6 The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance. 7 I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons. 8 I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. 9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope. 11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Apr 2014 12:25:37 +0000
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