Today I wept… As I sat on my couch watching Joyce Meyers as I usually do before heading out for work, I sat and thought about all of the deaths in the world and how babies are taken away before they even get to experience life. My heart was hurting. Thinking what if my kids are taken away suddenly? What if it’s their time to go? Man… that hurt. My eyes started to water. Tears started to flow. I had to walk out of the living room in fear of being seen by my 8 year old. She would surely ask me what’s wrong and cry with me. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. Sat down on the toilet and turned the water on. Tears streaming down my face. Once I knew it was safe and sound proof, I let out a hefty sob. Crying for my children, crying for any children who are no longer here. I started to think of my own healing and wondering when my time would come. That’s when God stopped me. He reminded me of what He has done so far. He took me back to when my oldest daughter was born, with a hole in her navel. I was 20 and scared to death. I didnt get to touch her. I didnt see her for more than 10 seconds. They performed an emergency surgery. The hole was the size of a dime. They had to reconstruct her navel. Then I was told she was diagnosed with Beck width Weideman Syndrome. A genetic condition that causes kids to have enlarged organs and tumors that can become cancerous. She was deemed to have a hard life, if she made it past 9. But God reminded me… She’s 12 now and free from all of that!! Then I was reminded of my baby girl who, at about 6 weeks was diagnosed with RSV. I can recall holding her lifeless body as she barely had enough oxygen to even open her eyes. How helpless I felt and how I didnt know what to do. Then He showed me how he has healed her body and when I thought I would lose her, She is now 8 years old and her asthma doesnt stop her from anything. Then He reminded me of my son. The one that I didnt even know I needed. The one I was SOOO upset about conceiving. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it for the longest. I even had thoughts of doing the unspeakable. I was so sick, I just wanted to die. God showed me how He forgave me because I gave my son to Him. I gave that situation over to Him. I was right. I couldn’t carry Him on my on. I couldn’t survive with him, alone. It was impossible. But God carried me through it all. He reminded me how He held my hand as I took my son to various doctors because I knew something wasn’t right. How we kept getting sent home, then finally someone took it seriously and found out that my little baby boy was having seizures for about the first 4 months of his life. God reminded me of how He has healed his body. We were told my son would have these seizures ongoing for life. God reminded me that he hasn’t had any seizures in over 1 ½ years. And those delays that they said he’ll have… don’t exist! The whole time I’m sobbing louder and louder. Thought of a miscarriage I had. How I didnt know I would get through it. How I witnessed deaths in my family, in my circle. How Ive been sick. etc Now, my tears were not so much because I’m hurting but now because I see the miracles and wonders that our creator has shown. How He carried me through these storms. Then I just got an overwhelming PEACE! There’s so much more! We can choose to focus on the negative or we can hang on to the HOPE that we know. Yes, bad things are going to happen. No, we may not understand fully. But we must ALWAYS hold on to the fact that God can change anything! Even those dark broken places, He can fix it! We must trust Him in EVERY situation. Even if we don’t have an answer to WHY it’s happening. God knows. And He knows you’re hurting. He understands it even when no one else does. Cry out to Him and rest in His presence! He’s got you! I am a living witness!
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 14:39:35 +0000