Today I wore a pair of boots Ive had for over two years but never wore. They were the last gift Blake gave me, he lost his life two days before my birthday. My boss gave us a week at a timeshare in New Hampshire and we drove to Maine for the day. He was well that week, it was the most like himself he had been since diagnosis. We went to LLBean in Freeport and I tried these boots on. Blake loved them and told me to get them, but he was still not totally well and back to work so I decided not to. We both looked around the store and when I went to the front he was standing there with a big bag and a bigger grin. He handed me the bag, it was the boots. He was gone a month later and the boots, with the tag still on, have sat in my closet since. I am not sure what I was waiting for, I thought, if I never wear them, they would never wear out and then they would always be the last thing he gave me. Only, they sat in the closet, and that made no sense at all. Just like grief, no sense at all. Everything ends, or wears out. Everything. So, you have to choose between really getting the most you can out of life or not. I took sometime in the not space for awhile...but I am done with that not space. Today, I put the boots on. I wore them all day, even when I took a nap in bed. If I wear them, if I have massive fabulous adventures in them, they will still be the last thing he gave me and they will also be the boots that amazing new stories happened in.
Posted on: Sun, 12 Oct 2014 05:16:46 +0000
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