Today has been a rough day with little Lucy (my newborn in case you havent been following along). At one point I was convinced someone broke in and gave her a Redbull laced with laxatives and Rob and I went back and forth on whether we should call the cops. Then my mom tried to comfort me and said its just how newborns are sometimes and I was like, Oh, cool and then laughed in an awkward sort of way that gradually turned into quiet sobs. Tomorrow is my first day off from maternity leave (a day I picked and apparently have to hold myself to because Im scared Ill fire myself?) where Ill pick my writing back up and post again on HaHas for HooHas. Today I was supposed to write an article Ive had tossing around my brain and schedule a couple posts on HooHas for Monday. I was also looking forward to carving out some alone time to change my underwear and write out my intentions/goals/hopes/desires for 2015. Long story short, Im still in the same pair of undies and my only intention is to get the baby poop stain out of my favorite nursing cami. A feeling similar to foreboding has lingered over me all day. The shiny bliss of newborn romance is still present, but a little less shiny as wearing a robe for the 8th day in a row has felt a little less adventurous as it did the first 7 days. The worry settled in, like it always does if I feel like Im not measuring up to my own made up standards. What if tomorrow is like today? What if I cant find time to write? What if cant find time to post on HooHas? What will become of HooHas if I cant get my crap together? What if ... what if ... What if is just fear pretending its all cool and relaxed and just asking a sensible question. Like I always do in great times of feeling sorry for myself, I mindlessly scrolled through my newsfeed. An article popped up I originally wrote in August - Babble had republished it again today. I decided to read it while rocking a sleepy baby that kept punching her pacifier out of her own mouth and kept getting super pissed about it. As the content of the article began to jog my memory, I thought, Of course. Somehow, I managed to write an article to myself. Somehow, it showed up for me to read again. Right on time. The universe if a big fat show off, man. Sometimes we worry. Were afraid. We feel out of control like well never make it back to Kansas. But deep down, the truth has always been within us. In the words of Glinda the Good Witch Youve always had the power my dear. Youve had it all along.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 05:55:49 +0000
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