Today has been an eventful day. I got home from work at three o’clock only to discover that my family had declared independence from our sovereign nation. My Mum or ‘her majesty’ as she now liked to be called had decided that our back garden was too small. As a result of this she had decided that the general of all her armies i.e. my Dad was to invade the neighboring communist regime at number 5. By half-past five my father’s armies were mobilized. He and my younger brother had decided against navel warfare because of the lack of water and a boat, and for this reason I decided to become admiral of all her navies. Mum decided to give him at number five a chance to surrender his land peacefully and thus a message was attached to a dog and thrown over his fence. We gave him plenty of chances but by about 4 o’clock we had run out of dogs. The just when we were about to attack there was a loud thud at our door. Upon opening it we found a dead cat with a message tucked into its collar. The tyrant clearly stated that it should be us who should surrender as a royal family is an out of date concept and the people’s workers union is the way forward. My brother enraged at the thought of living without a monarchy stormed into number fives garden but was instantly cut down by machine gun fire from the upstairs toilet. Six pm we scheduled his state funeral, attended by world leaders, heads of state and Auntie Edna from across the road. At this point I thought it would be a good idea to hide under the wheelbarrow at the bottom of the garden. Then things really started getting out of hand. At precisely 6.30 pm an American peace keeping force knocked at our door. We hid behind the settee and pretended not to be in but they wouldn’t leave. Eventually my dad answered the door. They stated that they were here only as a peace incentive until us and him at number five can set up a new coalition government and it certainly had nothing to do with that liter of mower oil my dad keeps in his shed. By seven o’clock I decided to come out of hiding. Within minutes I was being photographed naked with nothing on but a sack on my head while balancing on top of a pyramid of naked political prisoners. It’s now eight o’clock and they still haven’t left. Obama says its for our own good.
Posted on: Fri, 16 Aug 2013 17:46:56 +0000
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