Today i finally accepted every aspect of what caused my former marriage to fail. Ive owned a lot of bad choices, bad deals, mistakes and bad interactions that have caused me, my children, friends and family a lot of pain, heartache and grief. I could ask for forgiveness for 100 years, but the main person who hadnt forgiven me - is me. The other painful truth is that it was simply time for it to end. I needed to do better, and i hadnt. In January i felt like i was writing a eulogy of my life. I had prayed for months to be a better husband, better father and a better person, and i let other people stop me from being any of that. Im an emotional person. Im moody. I love hard. I believe in the people i care about. But I hadnt allowed myself to believe in ME from the moment I made the first wrong step. In July, I felt like i was writing the change of my life. Out of all that fire, pain and struggle, I found so many things that are important and good. This year I found relationships that id held onto falling away and I no longer chased those relationships. My parents, friends, exes, people i cheated with. I found the things that id been searching for, I found love, i found a smile I had lost for so long. I found my true friends right where theyve always been. I dont have to be perfect. I just have to keep doing better. I dont have to be right all the time, i just have to keep trying to improve. I can love my children, I can love my future wife, I can love myself, I can love others - and i dont have to hate myself to do it. In September, i felt like i was finally saying Thank You. Because the fire Id been through created steel, the pressure created a diamond, the damage destroyed the bad parts. Theres no time to hold on to the past, because the future is fleeting. I am the Victory.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Sep 2014 21:56:06 +0000
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