Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A whole three years have passed since our full term, seemingly healthy baby girl went to be with Jesus. Not a day passes that we dont think about her. Time doesnt heal wounds, it just numbs them. Last year, on this day, I remember feeling hopeless, distraught, almost the way I felt when it first happened. But I felt better than I did the year before! This year, with the hope of a new healthy baby, I feel hopeful, happy, and less fearful. I will never forget my sweet Oliveah Rose and the 6 days she graced this earth with her presence. The hurt and heartache are still there. I still cry when I think about her. My eyes still water when someone brings her up randomly. I still have her ashes hidden behind her picture, and as morbid as it is, we still pull out the unopened box and hold it. Her memories are all over our house, in pictures, things she was gifted but never got to use, by the box of her untouched clothing that was finally moved to the basement after 3 years. Ive finally allowed myself to look at the books I poured over when I was pregnant with her (when I obsessed over a VBAC). I can listen to the Mumford and Sons song The Cave without falling apart (it was my birth anthem. I liked the words for birthing!). So she is still vibrant in our hearts. She will always be our second child, even when we omit her to people were just meeting. Theres such an awkwardness that follows losing a child. No one knows what to say. People ask how many children I have? Is this your first pregnancy? How old are your children? This is my third pregnancy. Oh how old are your children....I have a six year old, and my youngest would be three.... It gets awkward! But I will take the awkwardness. I was blessed to have a beautiful girl. An angel baby that was loaned to us for a brief moment. She touched us all. She is missed greatly. More than words can say. So today, we remember Oliveah Rose, and the other little babies whove left us too soon. Sweet precious babies...
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 22:47:17 +0000
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