Today is Tuesday, one of the two days when Visiting Nurse folk come to the house. Today, all four groups showed up: Health Aide, PT, OT and Nursing. OT, in working on upper body strength with weights, succeeded in mostly wearing me out, while PT came and finished the job, working on a new way to transfer back and forth to my wheelchair. This method was quite a bit simpler than what we have been doing, and will no doubt result in more time being spent in the chair. I’m pretty eager to go and get my MARTA card so I can actually go some places. One of the first trips is going to be to an optometrist or an ophthalmologist to get new glasses; the ones I currently have I’ve had since the 1990s. Then, off to the ballpark, where I can enjoy overpriced beer and hot dogs. And next, I’m thinking one of the alumni lunch meetings of my fraternity, Zeta Beta Tau. After that? I’m not sure, but I have a lot of time to make up out and about. It has not been all fun and games sitting in this bed. In fact, I would go so far as to say it has been major suckage. One of the side effects has been a gradual darkening of my world view and attitude, which unfortunately I didn’t realize or comprehend until, figuratively speaking, I was picked up by the scruff of the neck and slammed into the ground and had my nose rubbed in it. That led to a taking of inventory and a lot of soul searching. I found I did not like the path I was on, or where I was on it. What I wanted to be was the person I was some years ago, before all this health stuff started. Back, say, to maybe 1999. And I started working on this several day ago; having a positive attitude, and being a positive person. It is not an easy change to make, as far as I had come down a path of anger, frustration and despair, but I am setting those things aside, and focusing on the positive things in my life. One of them, strangely enough, is in the health sphere. It looks like enough of the parts still work that at some point I will be able to stand, and I am convinced if that happens, I will be able to walk. I am beginning to think it unlikely that the dialysis will go away, but properly managed, all that means is three hours of computer time. I’m getting the services I need now; Visiting Nurse (my home health care provider) has provided what the company I was using in 2009 didn’t: skilled and expert help who have provided the PT and OT I need, as well as providing motivation and hope. If you step back and look at it, this is a very positive change, one that certainly makes having a positive outlook that much easier. Another very positive thing is what I am doing as a No Kill activist and as an advocate for shelter cats. The No Kill movement is growing across the nation. This morning I talked to a state senator’s aide from New York, from the office of Mark Grisanti, about the horrid conditions that existed in New York City, in the Animal Care & Control, a cesspool of animal abuse, and encouraged that this good man and animal friend take action to have this facility investigated by the state. I also talked to someone who worked as a coordinator in the Georgia house, trying to find someone who would be willing to submit CAPA (Companion Animal Protection Act), a draft bill that would protect companion animals in Georgia. It’s on the No Kill Advocacy Center web site if you’re interested. This bill, if passed, would improve things greatly for shelter animals. While my on Dekalb County, while not formally No Kill, does a great job at placing animals, there are many high kill shelters in Georgia. Shelters. To me, before I started working as an advocate for shelter pets, a shelter was a place of refuge, a place where one went when they were in need. I quickly learned that this concept generally did not apply in the animal world. New York runs a hellhole of a cesspool where healthy or easily treatable animals are put to death nightly. Day old kittens, aged seniors of 15 or 20 years, it makes no difference to the executioners there. I find it so sickening that each night I want to say no more, but I will keep on fighting until we live in a No Kill nation. But there are No Kill shelters, a growing number. Then one night I stumbled across a group called The World’s Greatest Cat House, or Puffy Paws, that was the most awesome shelter I’ve come across. First of all, they were a true No Kill shelter, but it went further than that. They took cats that would otherwise be killed as unadoptable, and gave them forever homes. And I mean they gave them a HOME. If you look at the many pictures of Puffy Paws on line, you will see rooms that look like they came from an ad from an interior decorator, with a lot of kitties about. In thinking about the cats Puffy Paws, I am reminded of the Emma Lazarus poem on the base of the Statue of Liberty: “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me”. This is what Puffy Paws does: they take in the sick, the lame, the FIV+, the kitties with feline leukemia, and give them a forever home. All of this would place Puffy Paws well above any other shelter I have encountered, but they do it with style, with flair, with attitude; they are a little funky, and can laugh at themselves. They are not selfish; they repost ads for other shelters even though they are all in the same donor pool. Let me put it plainly, Puffy Paws rocks. But that is still not the best thing about Puffy Paws. The two gentlefolk who run it, Rick and Chrissy Kingston have become real world friends. They share the same burning love for kitties, and have given their lives to caring for the 200 special needs kitties who share their home. This is why I regularly post ads for Puffy Paws; I believe they are doing it better and smarter than anyone else, and doing so with a profound level of personal sacrifice. I am most humbled by their work, and I am honored, deeply honored, to be able to name them among my friends. Another shelter I have a fondness for is the Barrow County shelter; one in about 30 minutes from me, and one where an excellent director has come on board. I believe that he is a good man, and he is saving lives. He is assisted by a group of volunteers who are working tirelessly to network the animals there, and also work in the shelter, helping any way they can. These are good people; I have shared some info on No Kill and volunteer roles with Director Jimmy Terrell, and have offered what help I can provide. I am also networking their kitties, of whom they have too many. Then that is a problem most shelters have this time of year, it’s called kitten season. Both the No Kill activism and advocating for shelter cats is an exceedingly positive aspect of my life. 10 years ago, I could not have possibly seen myself in this kind of role, as an advocate, or activist, or lobbyist, yet here I am. And you know what, I like it. This is a big positive in my life, and one of the things that makes me feel good about myself. I find great joy when a cat I have advocated for is saved. I have been reduced to tears when told by a rescue that it was my impassioned plea that caused them to pull that particular cat from the shelter. Yes, I primarily advocate for the little house panthers, because I love these cats and they are often overlooked because they are black cats. But that’s not the whole truth. I advocate for them because they remind me of my Ebony, my beloved Ebster. Whatever I do in trying to make the world better for kitties, I do in his memory, and you know, that’s pretty damned positive. What else is positive in my life? One great positive is I have two sons, Chuck and James, or as they prefer to be called, Jag and Iluc, the names they use in World of Warcraft. They’ve pretty much put their lives on hold caring for me. That’s a pretty big sacrifice, and one for which I am not only grateful, but one I could not live without. They are a huge force for good, and one that I feel very positive about. Another huge positive is my sister/daughter is COMING HOME. Some years ago, I met this lady who first grew to be a close friend, then more. Part of the relationship feels like siblings, and part, no doubt since I’m so much older, a father/daughter relationship. She has gotten to know the boys very well too; they met through World of Warcraft, a game I introduced her to as a space for social interaction. We have all adopted each other; the boys and I regard her as part of our nuclear family, and she has said she shares this feeling. We are now looking at a mere 30 days before she arrives. I believe she will be a fantastic addition to our household, and best of all for me, a calming influence. I think she will also be a very positive force in helping me reach my goals. World of Warcraft is my escape from all the bad, and it has been a good one for me. If nothing else, there I am whole and able to do awesome things. My play is still hampered a little by some nerve damage that impacts the little finger and to a lesser extent the ring finger on each hand, but I have learned to compensate for most of it through programmable mouse buttons and reworking my keys to I can make better use of the fully functional fingers. The game consumes some of my spare time, and I often have it running in the background while doing other things. I am able to spend time with Chuck and James, and Trish in WoW. WoW is also where I got my nose rubbed in my shortcomings. I had taken a couple of meds, taken the maximum dose, of two things that should have never been taken together, and attempted to play that way in a group of 10 players; attempted to play in a state of extreme drunkenness or stoned out of my gourd. In the course of that, I said some stuff I shouldn’t, a couple key people left and cut off communications entirely. These two were people my middle boy James played with elsewhere, and he finally managed to get one of them to respond, where he told me off… and I realized he was dead right. After a few days of soul searching, I set upon this course. Some parts of my life were positive, like Puffy Paws and my No Kill work. But I wanted all aspects of my life to be like that. As part of that, I was told to make a list of affirmations, and say them out loud 20 times each morning to start the day, and at the end of the day, to read through them and evaluate how I have done. They are: I am a positive person I am not a negative person I am a constructive person I am not a destructive person I am a decisive person who knows what he wants I am not indecisive and unwilling to make a choice I am a good person I am not a bad person I am and shall be a good friend I am not a bad friend or a faithless friend or a fair weather friend I am a kind and considerate friend who enjoys helps others and expects nothing in return I am functional and productive I am not dysfunctional and unproductive I shall be functional and productive I shall not be dysfunctional and unproductive I shall conduct my life in such a way that my friends can only see me as a positive relationship I shall conduct my life in such a way that my friends do not see me as a negative relationship I shall not play Game of Thrones and will watch enough of it to understand the referent I shall ask my friends for forgiveness and ask their help and guidance in becoming the person I want to be I shall seek to make full amends for my previous mistakes I shall endeavor to learn from my mistakes and not repeat then I shall listen I shall endeavor to keep my cool at all times I shall Fear Not And I do. This is who I once was; no honestly, this is a lot more than I once was. This is who I want to be, and who I want to be. I could have gone further down the bad path I was on; way too many times it led me to wanting to give up in despair. There is much good in my life; I intend to embrace this good, and share it with family and friends. The only thing black spot on this whole process is two people who were good friends walked away, and thus far at least, have not given me a chance to apologize and make amends. I hope at some point they will; they have had a very positive impact on me by making me see the problem and give me cause to take action about it. Life is good, and I feel that I am involved in positive and necessary things. From here: Citius, Altius, Fortius!
Posted on: Wed, 14 Aug 2013 01:09:43 +0000
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