Today is my son Maxs 6th birthday. Max is what is typically called a spirited child. Translation: pain in the ass. He has virtually no impulse control; often says inappropriate things in public (and private), and generally just drives the people around him nuts. Obnoxious is not a strong enough word to describe him much of the time. I have spent much of the last six years trying to reign him in. But I have failed a huge majority of the time. I know when people see us together they often think to themselves, Dont you have any control over your child? The answer is simple: No, I do not. But do any of us really have control over another person? Lately I have been questioning my motives. By trying to control (i.e., change) my son am I trying to make him like me? I was a virtual model child: compliant, aiming to please, rarely getting into trouble, making good grades, etc. Where has this gotten me? I have spent a lifetime weighing pros and cons--mostly seeing the negative and letting that guide my behavior. It has immobilized me to a great degree. I dont take risks. I am constantly (and to a ridiculous degree) worried about offending people. I am often anxious, uptight, obssessive compulsive, and generally unhappy. Now back to Max. Max is smart, physically talented (I have never witnessed a child his size with more strength), a deep thinker, sensitive, extremely creative, a math wiz, a great student (according to his teachers), etc. In short, a future renaissance man. Why would I want him to be anything else? So, Max for your 6th birthday I want to give you one of the greatest gifts a person can give to another person: acceptance. I do this because I love you more than I thought I could ever love another human being. Happy birthday, son. Please continue being you, not what I or anyone else wants you to be.
Posted on: Mon, 28 Jul 2014 15:42:03 +0000
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