Today is the 10th anniversary of my divorce. While I never imagined that divorce would or could happen to me, it was a transition that radically changed my life. In fact it has been the single greatest influence on who I have become and the life and love I have been able to create. I am not a divorce advocate and I believe in sustainable, extraordinary love; however my divorce was in many ways a blessing, and acted as a catalyst for my growth as a woman, partner and mother. For those of you who are or have gone through the transition of divorce, or even those of you who fear that it may be part of your future, I want to make sure you know that you are going to be okay, even if you can’t see it yet, I promise. The truth is that you will not only be okay, but you will be as good as you choose to be. However, the journey isn’t easy, and includes as many moments of joy and liberation as it does moments of deep pain and sadness. A short while back I put together the ten things no one ever tells you about divorce, you can grab your copy here. As I take time to reflect on this past decade and the turbulence of moving through and forward after divorce, I want to share with you the most significant things I have learned that apply not only to divorce but to any time of transition. The Power of Restraint There is nothing more powerful than exercising restraint; just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should. Doing or saying anything when fueled by emotional reactivity will never move you closer to what you really want. It will backfire. It will miss your intended outcome. It will end up keeping you stuck where you are and in a weaker position than when you started. I can assure you that there will be moments, many of them, that make you feel insulted, treated unfairly and unjustly, put down, victimized and/or prevented from doing or having what you deserve. And in some of them you will be completely justified in feeling that way. BUT… Creating your new and next chapter in life and love will never be built through retaliation for what you have been through. But it will come from a fierce commitment to what you want your life to look and feel like, and what you want to create for yourself and your relationships. It won’t feel like it at the time, but restraint is strength, not weakness. It is the power behind your new life. Restraint will make you cry, even sob with frustration and inequity. It will hurt in ways that you never imagined possible. And in the end, restraint will lead you to the high road…to the intentional choices that propel you toward everything you desire; and it will leave you with gratitude for not being impulsive and reactive. Bad Behavior Speaks for Itself You never need to point out bad behavior, it always speaks for itself. You don’t need to call attention to it. You don’t need to call out the perpetrator, you don’t need to post about it on facebook or twitter, you don’t need to make sure that he, she or they know about it. It may take an hour, day, week, month or year (or two or three…), but the universe has your back. Someone else’s bad behavior is your invitation to set an even higher standard. It will be tempting to be punitive. You will want to make sure that everyone knows. But what ultimately matters most is your ability to keep your eye on the prize of what your life looks and feels like. The ability to create a juicy life lies in how well you are able to dump the drama of what others do and say, and stay focused on your life, your choices, your words and your actions. Your Life is Not a Group Sport but It is a Team Nothing makes you feel more alone than to experience loss in your life. Whether divorce, death, empty nesting, losing a job, starting a business, or any other change in circumstance, you will find yourself forced to make new decisions based on what you, and you alone, want and need; and what is in your best interest. Seeking the approval, affirmation or validation of what you should or could be doing during times of transition will only distract you from what you already know you need. You can trust yourself because you are trustworthy. Times of major transition in your life set you on a new path; they are (can be) a catalyst for creating what you truly want, but only if you choose them to be. Your friends and family love you, and want you to be happy, but they aren’t walking in your shoes. You are now faced with an opportunity to do the hard inner work of listening to your soul voice, the truth of what you really want; and it is up to you to listen, even if no one else around you understands. They will follow your lead; they will treat you in the same way that you treat yourself. They will support you in the same way that you own your decisions and future. However, you are not meant to do it alone. This time of opportunity is also a time to let go of what was to make room for what will be, a time to get clarity around what your dreams and desires are, a time to take responsibility for what comes next and a time to write a new, empowered, audacious story. While friends and family will need you to help them support you; there are incredible experts and resources available to support you as you own the power of your future. You may find yourself believing that investing in yourself and your personal growth is unnecessary or unimportant; however it is the most powerful thing you can do for your personal, professional, financial, parental and romantic success and happiness. Trust me when I tell you, what you most resist is what you most need. I have walked in your shoes. Not only have I moved through and forward after divorce, but I have undergone significant financial, parental, professional and romantic transition....and have remained standing and happy. It has been as empowering and rewarding as it has turbulent. While I continue to keep my intention and attention on my soul voice and its desire; my life’s passion and work is to hold your hand as you walk through the door of what comes next. Join me on this journey, your soul craves it. #divorce #lifeafterdivorce laurawcampbell/reflections-on-my-divorce-a-decade-later/
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 11:58:28 +0000
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