Today is the last day of 2014. The last day of the last year that Derek was living with us in the flesh here on earth. It pains me that tomorrow is 2015; it is a year that Derek will not be alive for. I know it sounds silly, but at least with 2014 it was a year that he was alive in. A friend of mine that also suffered the death of her husband this year said that 2014 was a year of lasts and a year of firsts. That is so true. Pain filled lasts and firsts. Our last kisses. Our last hugs. Our last I love yous. Our last glances. Our last laughs together. His last breath. The last beat of his heart. The last memory of him that is so terrible. The first night without him. The first day without him. The first everything without him. The first funeral Ive had to plan. The first testimony Ive had to give. 2015 will be filled with more painful firsts, too. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate this life Im living. My only blessing is those two innocent babies that need me so much. I need them more than they need me, I think.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 19:06:35 +0000