Today marks one year since Taira left us. Chris would like to share his thoughts with you. A Last Word; A year has passed since the love of my life left this world for another. Not a day goes by that I do not mourn and miss her. The past year has been one of turbulent emotions, resignation and acceptance. In keeping with the spirit of why this site was created, I will attempt to share the trials and tribulations of those left behind. If just one person who reads this gleans any measure of comfort from it, then I have achieved the goal of this site, which was always to teach and educate. The first year is a year of firsts ( Imagine that ). The first Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, Easter, Thanksgiving, summer vacation. The experts say this year is the most difficult. I will agree that it is but have no certainty that the second year will be any easier. Time will tell. To that, all I can relay are my experiences and my approach. The great thing about the human race is that we all differ. That is what makes us unique. None of the “firsts” are easy. They all bring back sights, sounds, memories and emotions. Embrace them. And do so from now till eternity. They are what you have left of that special person that has passed. I vividly remember coming home late on the night of the 29th, a year ago. It was my first night home in many weeks. The silence was deafening. As I sat on the couch with Gen B, and my cats, all I could hear was the clock ticking. I distinctly remember asking myself “What Now?” Never once during the three year battle did I ever believe it would end the way it did. I was fully aware of the 1 in a million odds. I was fully aware that what did happen was inevitable. However, I had a most amazing soul mate that refused to believe the odds; refused to accept the facts, and had the mantra of “ I choose hope.” I too chose hope. And I did not let go of it until Taira’s last breath. Was that rational? Did it make sense? For us it did. It was the path we chose, and we both bought into it fully. Knowing what I know now, would I do it different? Not a chance. The stand we took, against all odds, is what defined Taira as a person, me as a person, and us as a couple. It defined what we believed in and our faith and commitment to one another. As much as you can, be prepared, at least with the “business” of carrying on. Ensure final details are looked after. Not doing so will become a huge burden. While not pleasant to think about or deal with, it is a fact of life. People will enter your life that have not been there in some time. They will make promises that they are unable to keep. They will fade back out of your life. Do not judge. Do not be angry. Be grateful that they were there. Life does go on. Like it or not. Everyone has their own families and circumstances. Embrace that time. Your life will go on. Look after the necessities. Time stands still for no one. It is a harsh mistress, that Time. Your true friends will stand at your side. Lend an ear. Give you that shoulder to cry on. And will never judge you whatever the case may be. Remember, not all friends are true friends. Do not judge, but be grateful for the friendship. True family will do the same. Remember, not all family is close family. Do not enter with unrealistic expectations. We all are what we are. Be not judgemental. We are all born with different levels of strength. Again, it makes us unique. Take the Time to find that special person to help you with the final wishes. It is critical. The man that was a rock for me also helped Taira and I through my father’s passing. The “business” end of death is complicated, and it is a time when you absolutely need someone to guide you that has a vested interest in you and your beloved. I am proud to say that man has become a close friend, and has a “Time for Taira” arm band in his car that he looks at each day and remembers. Be true to yourself and the beliefs you and your partner fostered together. It is who you are. Not everyone will agree. It is about no one other than you and your beloved. If other people do not understand, then it is not an issue you need to trouble yourself with. It is their issue. Do not judge them. Have temperance, but stay true to your beliefs and convictions. Any last wishes that were entrusted to you, whether you agree or not, must be carried out in full. I can’t even begin to stress the importance of that. Your beloved has entrusted this to you. It is your life obligation to carry it out. Taira had an extensive list, most of which were easily done. Some, however, I did not agree with, and we had discussions around them. In the end, I fully committed to carry every last one out. The peace and serenity that she had with that were and are priceless. At the end of the day, it was her needs that I was focused on. Taira passed knowing that everything she had requested was to be looked after. It is not for anyone else to say what is right and what is wrong in this situation. The obligation of the survivor is to ensure that everything possible is done to make those last wishes come true. Taira entrusted none of them to anyone else, for she knew it would be done. That is the very least one can do for the person they love. Always take the time to remember. There is no shame in tears. There is no shame in getting lost in memories. Certainly there is no shame in honoring the one you love. I will take a liberty on this last post to express my eternal gratitude to some very special people. Without them, I simply would not have survived this journey. Marla and Pentti ( my foster Mom and Dad ). You both accepted me into your lives and family and have taken me at face value. You are always there with a kind word. You have taught me the value of family and devotion. My love for you both is unparalleled. I only wish my parents would have had the opportunity to meet you both. Jyri, Christina, Sari and Roy. Always keeping in touch. Always caring. My brother in far off Finland, Jani. You always know when to call; always know where my mind is at. My best friends Ken and Brenda. You guys never judge. You never frown. Always a compassionate ear, a soft shoulder and a hearty welcome. My love for you guys knows no boundaries. To my adopted Mom, Lynden, who, by the way is the amazing author of this site, Taira’s mentor and close friend, and friend to our family. The countless hours you invested in ensuring Taira’s story was told; the hours invested in giving me guidance, comfort and friendship. Priceless. My gratitude, sorry, our gratitude is endless. To all of the followers on Time for Taira. I cannot even begin to express the emotions I feel with all the outpouring of love that comes from all of you. I can say that Taira received great joy in all your posts and did her best to personally answer all the posts. Regardless of the hour they came in. Regardless of how she felt that day. It gave her true joy and happiness. I am unable to thank all of you for that. Anything I would say would be not be able to touch the depths of the gratitude we both felt. And finally, the other thing I have come to know is that we all are born with an alarm clock. The clock starts ticking at birth. When the alarm sounds, our Time here is over. I am unable to explain the length of that Time, but have come to learn that it is what you do with it that is important. For me, I no longer dwell on that clock; no longer fear it. In many ways I welcome it, for when that chime strikes, I will smile and know that I will once again see that truly amazing woman that is my wife. Forever she will be that, and forever I will be her devoted husband. I was truly blessed to have the Time with her that I had. Please always, always, always remember: Real Love Stories never have Endings. Forever grateful and humble, Chris vimeo/77859559
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 19:44:07 +0000
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