Today my breast milk is ending, conversations and ceremony with my 3 year old Lying in bed with my bub last night after three of four days of dehydration, flu and fevers she asked for breast milk to help her get to sleep. Sure hun…I roll over to her…she starts muttering, what’s happening mumma? Why has it changed? Where is my booka? (her name for breast milk). A slight panic runs through me, she is only a few months off her 4th birthday, I don’t have any worry or concern about not feeding her long enough. However I had made a decision it would be on her terms and when she is ready, not because of some random flu. I remember Ryley’s last words when we discussed that breast milk may end one day…she gasped….please don’t do this to me, this milk is my breath it’s my life! I try to express milk with everything I am and one tiny tiny drop comes out..sigh…we are here at this day I role back over to her and say sweet heart it may not be totally gone yet, but it does looks like its going. She snuggles in a cry’s for few minutes, I tell her I have loved that time with her too, and I feel sad as well and remind her of our conversations that one day this would change. Then I say how about we use all those white flowers around from Imbolc and do a milk blessing tomorrow and we can talk about all the things we loved about having breast milk and also say goodbye. She changes from crying to squealing with joy. I have loved this so called ‘extended’ time for breast feeding. It seems to make intuitive sense to have milk available (if you can) to your child when they are growing. I went through the adoring supporting public breastfeeding mother’s stage…then after a year…every time without fail in public I got “oh what are you doing…oh you extend feed? Or you still do that!” I didn’t want her hearing that all the time, so I said breast milk now is harder when you are bigger, let’s wait for home hey? I also didn’t want to break into an argument every time I was feeding. But she had my milk, designed for her body, adapting for any health condition at will, having the super power to instantly soothe a bumped head within seconds. I don’t know why anyone who loves their breast feeding would stop due to social pressures and give them cow’s breast milk instead. We already have the super mix right here to soothe to heal and nurture deep bonds. So I find myself on a day I start bleeding (interesting) that it is both Ryley and I that need to do this ceremony as mother and daughter. We are both in process, both letting go. Ryley takes out the white flowers and lavender, I take out the bowl of milk. I (eventually) get a drop of milk to add to our mix. Ryley has a lot of emotion with breast milk so I say why don’t we each put in a flower and as we do say something we have loved about breast milk? She sits still for a very long time…thinking….I fight back any urge to prompt her. She slowly starts putting in flowers, I loved you when you fed me, I loved you when you made me so so happy, I loved you when you helped me sleep, I love the earth you gave me….Booka I will miss you so much…and I have loved you so much. Tears stream down my face as she articulates her thoughts with care. She then offers the bowl to me. I say how much joy this has brought and how grateful I am that the milk has flowed so strong for so long, I am grateful to my body for giving this to my bub, I have loved the healing support it brings as it adapts to your body’s needs and the fun we have had…I look forward to finding a thousand new ways to enjoy my love with my big grown up girl. Ryley says I have to say goodbye to booka. She leans down and hugs the bowl of milk and I wait. When she rises she says ok that booka can go to help another new baby about to born ok? I have said goodbye now. So she pours the milk onto the Earth Mumma to help this strong milk find its new home. I am sick, tired, dehydrated, bleeding…and didn’t expect this one today. But I am feeling super proud of my kid for voicing her worries, finding solutions and letting it go with such clarity and joy. She is dancing around the garden now…she says she is milk faerie who gave amazing milk to a new baby about to be born today. Jodie Danaan
Posted on: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 07:25:31 +0000
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