Today someone I barely knew came up to me out of the blue and said, So just how old are you anyways? Aside from being taken aback and personally finding it a bit rude, I told her. Really? she said. Wow. I thought you were much younger. She then close-examined my face and said, Nice skin. Where are the wrinkles? Whats your secret? I know she meant well, and perhaps it was indeed a backhanded compliment, but I felt shaken all the same. I told her that there was no secret; that I am who I am. She said, It must be the dance or something. I know I should not be offended by this, but I felt a bit like a lump on display. I felt that she was unpleased by my answer, and it made me think. When I gain weight, there is commentary. When I lose weight, there is commentary. As I age, there is commentary. Most is not good from either side. I cant win. I feel like my only worth as a person is the sum of my parts, which is not true. I am more than external appearance and factors. I get so tired of having to explain myself in one way or another w/no answer ever being satisfactory. I am a human being, not just hair and fat and skin and bones. Fat or thin or old or young, I still am, and matter more than my external appearance,no matter how good or bad or right or wrong that may be by some abitrary opinion. Of course I am aware that in my field of choice, professional dance, I am judged, and I put myself out there, so I am exposed. And I know I am overly sensitive. But it still doesnt make it right. Must I always find explanations for my age/weight/lifestyle, etc. and offer them up for others approval? Must I offer excuses? Cant I just be accepted as a person? I know many probably feel the same, but dont lay it out on a public platform. I only do because I felt it due. Thanks for reading.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Sep 2014 02:53:32 +0000
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