Todays To-Do List 1. Wake Up 2. Complete chapter four of my terrorist group introductory course “Me, Myself, and ISIS: A Fatwa of Two Cities” 3. Meet with 90’s Latin Pop star, Ricky Martin, about singing the new Starbucks jingle… “Livin’ La Vida Mocha” 4. Skype with Gov. Chris Christie to discuss important economic issues such as the “Dollar Menu” and waterboarding the Colonel to get his secret recipe 5. Prepare for the Folsom Street Fair next week, by taking my last shower today 6. Teach a seminar at the corner of Polk and Eddy titled “How To Give A Blowjob When You’re A Tranny…And Not Lose Your Wig” 7. Stand naked in front of my window facing the street and see how many car accidents I can cause 8. Complete my audition tape for the next cycle of America’s Next Top Model 9. Clarify on my audition tape that I am not auditioning to be one of the contestants, but instead to be Tyra’s forehead 10. Buy groceries and when asked if I would like plastic bags, dip my head, point to the sky and say RIP Joan Rivers 11. Meet with an arcade about installing my new family friendly game, in which eight power bottoms would randomly stick out their holes and get plowed by the player 12. File for a trademark for my new arcade game “Wack-A-Hole” 13. Meet with Syrian rebel leaders and ask if they were ever hugged as a child #OneStepAtATime #Progress 14. Convince Popeyes to start serving a dish branded as “Punch You In The Mouth Good” called “Ray Rice and Beans” 15. Buy purple underwear and convince a Grindr hookup to sing the Barney theme song to my dick 16. Sleep #BusyTranny
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 17:53:34 +0000