Todays date is a day that will forever be seared into my memory. On this day 11 years ago I lost my best friend, my rock, my inspiration for being the parent I am today, my voice of reason ( whether I wanted to hear it or not..lol), the person who no matter what was always there for me. You see on this day those years ago I lost my mom in a horrific car accident. No matter what happened to me in my life she was always there to have my back. Sure we didnt agree on everything, and she always had to have her opinion heard about whatever the subject matter was but she was always there for me like a parent should be for their kid. I hold deep inside me a lot of guilt about that day. The last conversation we had that day before her accident was on the phone and it ended in an argument. An argument that to this day I wish I had never started with her. I never got to tell her that I was sorry or that I loved her. I know that deep inside she knew I loved her but I just couldnt say it to her for years. Something I truly regret everyday. I know that on that day I received the greatest guardian angel I could have ever ask for. I know that she watches over me and my sons all the time. I still feel her presence especially when Im going to do something stupid. I can feel the wind pick up and push me from behind like she was kicking me in the butt for thinking foolishly. You know lots of people wish for a wealth or fame or other trivial things like that but me no I would just want to have 5 more minutes with my mom. To be able to look at her and give her a hug she so rightly deserves and to tell her that I loved her just one more time. Thats all I want. I know to some you are saying really but to me thats all I would want. I know that some day I will see her again but until then the ache that is in my heart for her burns and reminds me to never forget to tell those I care most for that I love them. It seems like it was only yesterday that this all happened. I so wish she could have physically been here to see her first two grandkids grow up and be the handsome young men that they are today. Mom I hope I have made you proud. I hope that I have become the parent you saw inside of me all those years ago. Until my time comes I will forever miss you, the long talks over coffee, the stories of our family you would share with me and yes even the arguments. I still laugh how we could argue and then an hour later it was like it never had happened. And how mark and Kevin would comment that we were like an old couple arguing. I miss you mom more than words will ever describe. When my time comes I so hope that it is you who I see first because all I want to do is just hug you and say I love you.
Posted on: Thu, 22 Jan 2015 02:41:39 +0000
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