Tomorrow will be one year since I lost the one person I thought that I had a lifetime with. I need to share my thoughts today for tomorrow I want to be happy and not feel any pain. Jan 14th 2015 I approach the one year anniversary of your death with sadness, confusion and the empty reality that you are not coming home in my arms again.Shouldnt I be used to this by now? You think after 365 days that I would be able to open the closet door without tears building up in my eyes, but yet when I smell and look at everything that Im not able to move yet, the life we used to have jumps out at me at smacks me right in my face reminding me of the memories of everything you wore and all of a sudden creates a certain smile on my face.The garage cabinets are clues of the prize possessions of what your life contained when you were outside.The sound of the mower, weed wacker, drill, among the blaring radio playing songs from the 60s is taunting of what it once was.Because your death still takes my breath away,because it still isnt fair that you arent going to need those extra screws, bolts mowers and 60 songs and whatever it was that was you. I loved the life that you so willingly included me in and because collectively we miss you everyday. When I open those closets and cabinets and even straighten the pillows on the sofa,it is like a whirl back through time of moments that made our life what is was but then reality halts me and makes me realize that you are really still dead and yet you arent. I still feel you, not in a ghostly manner but in the warmth of love.You are found in laughter, especially in your children.I feel your determination and discipline when I felt I wanted to quit,your confidence in me when I felt the need to give up and I feel your ability to toss out troubles when I face uncertainty.You make me feel richer, dig deeper and move me to be more confident to make a difference.Your sense of humor lives on with pranks and smart ass remarks. Your dedication to the ones you loved changed their lives. You inspired your son and daughter to achieve the people they have become.Perhaps your refusal to be anything other than who you were has cemented your place in the hearts of those who loved you.So when the reality of your death sneaks up on me I will know that you loved me and still do.May the angels hold you tight and keep your glow bright.All My Everlasting Love.
Posted on: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:03:34 +0000