Tonight at 9 it will be 8 years since my wife passed away. Tonights blog is in memory of her. Although we knew how sick she was it was still a shock when she quit breathing. Its hard to believe 8 years have passed. So much has happened since then. This is not a lament about loss or a pity party. Those days are in the past. I am who I am and where I am in life because of her. If you knew Mary for five minutes you were a friend for life. She loved people. She was surrounded by friends. I downloaded the book A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis before leaving for Spain. I had read it shortly after Marys passing as well as many other grief books. I wanted to know as much as possible about grief. Its a monster! I reread the book here during my hike, mainly to ascertain the healing process he went through. A statement he made rang true. He really struggled after his wife passed away. One day he found himself Im a rather good frame of mind. He admitted to himself that had he witnessed another man in a similar situation acting as if he was enjoying life he might have judged him harshly. A realization hit him. Sorrow was becoming a weight. A hindrance to a meaningful life. It was when he was no longer burdened with the immense grief that he was finally able to remember her better. Its hard to see when your eyes are filled with tears. I summarized a bit there. Its a good read if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. Several evenings ago I noticed a lady sitting alone on a stone barrier wall. I had spoken to her on several occasions over the past few weeks and in passing asked her how her hike was going. It was then I noticed she was crying. I asked if the hike was getting the best of her. She replies through sniffles that indeed the hike was saving her life. Her husband of 36 years has passed away three years prior. He was her everything, her very best friend and was still grieving her loss. She remarked her life was like the piles of cow residue we were hiking through. She was a bit more graphic than that however. I tried to console her as good as a man is capable of in that situation. I asked her what makes her happy? What brings you joy? She thought a while and remarked hiking this trail and the views brought her joy. She also had several sisters am family members that she enjoyed. Gradually her tears dried and she discovered others things on her life that were good. She thanked me for reminding her about the good things still remaining in her life. I thought about that conversation all day. In my mind I went through all the good in my life. I listed them and silently thanked God for all my blessings. When Mary passed away we had one grandchild, I now have seven. I have three children Im proud of and all great parents. I have four sisters and brothers in law. We all get along. My mom and dad are 84 and 89 and still with us. I have a cousin Marv who Ive enjoyed numerous adventures with, plus many more to come. I meet with my friend Ivan every Thursday noon to fix what needs fixin. My best friend Ina has supported me in all my adventures. I can call her when Im in despair and need a prayer sent special delivery. Its not an Ill pray when I get home and silently nod off in sleep. Its a vocal immediate prayer sent Heavenward vociferously. Shes not the quiet kind. I have a Sunday School class where I can and do say anything I want to. I attend a church where folks seem to like me and accept me. A pastor that as far as I know cares about my spiritual well being. I own a house that as long as I pay the taxes I cal my own. I am so blessed. I have received several thousand emails and letters from folks who have read and enjoyed my books. A while back I received one that really made me think. It was from a man I Maine who has read Hiking Through and had made some life changes as a result of reading it. He concluded his letter by asking a question. Do you ever think about the gift your wife left you when she passed away. I was taken aback by that question and wondered about what horrible birthdays and Christmases he must have had. A week ago while hiking with a lady from Australia I related to her the contents of that email. I had spoken to her at different times about my marriage, life, travels, and writings. She surprised me when she said she had been thinking the same thing, that Mary had left me a gift when she passed away. That confirmed the man from Maines previous statement and caused me to really think about those statements. I knew my kids would react negatively to such a statement since her passing caused so much pain in their lives. The more I thought about it however the more sense it seemed to make. Her passing certainly wasnt a gift. But in death she gave me something valuable. She gave me options. Choices. I now had the freedom to stay at work or leave my job. I left. Because of those options I hiked the Appalachian Trail. I rode my bicycle across America. I spent 9 miserable days on the Mississippi River. Now Im hiking the Camino in Spain. I have also written six books because of that gift. The books in turn have resulted in several thousand folks takin time to thank me for the books. The credit all belongs to Mary. If you have enjoyed anything youve ever read that came from my heart and mind through my fingertips its because of the gift Mary gave me. Send a prayer of thanks up her way. Im sure shell enjoy that. Im quite sure she knows about the 7 grandkids, the goings on with our three children. I also know Ill see her again. She would say to me to keep doing what Im doing. She would not want any more sadness. She gave so many folks the gift of friendship and joy. She is well and God often reminds me of that. As Christians we believe that the greatest gift we can ever receive was made possible through a death. My prayer is that the gift Mary gave me will point others to that greatest gift as well. Thank you Mary for 32 years and three wonderful children. God has indeed blessed me.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 19:16:27 +0000
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